Hogfather

     'Will that be all right, miss? Won't the Tooth Fairy mind?'

     'You... do it until she comes back.'

     'All right, miss.'

     'I'll... er... get people to keep an eye on you,  until you get settled in. I think food comes in on the cart. You're  not to let people cheat you.' She looked at  his  hands and then up and up the lower slopes  until she saw the peak  of  Mount Banjo, and  added,  'Not that  I think they'll try, mind you.'

     'Yes, miss. I will keep things tidy, miss. Er.

     The big pink face looked at her.

     'Yes, Banjo?'

     'Can  I have a puppy, miss? I  had  a kitten once,  miss,  but our  mam drownded it 'cos it was dirty.'

     Susan's memory threw up a name.

     'A puppy called Spot?'

     'Yes, miss. Spot, miss.'

     'I think it'll turn up quite soon, Banjo.'

     He seemed to take this entirely on trust.

     'Thank you, miss.'

     'And now I've got to go.'

     'Right, miss.'

     She looked back up  the tower. Death's land might be dark, but when you were there you never thought  anything bad was going to happen  to you.  You were beyond the places where it could. But here...

     When you were grown up you  only feared, well, logical things. Poverty. Illness. Being found out. At least  you weren't mad  with terror because  of something under  the stairs. The world wasn't  full of  arbitrary light  and shade. The wonderful world of childhood? Well, it wasn't a  cut-down version of the adult one, that was certain. It was more like  the  adult one written in big heavy letters. Everything was... more. More everything.

     She left Banjo to his  sweeping  and stepped  out into  the perpetually sunlit world.

     Bilious and Violet  hurried towards her.  Bilious was  waving a  branch like a club.

     'You don't need that,' said Susan. She wanted some sleep.

     'We talked about  it and we thought  we  ought to come back  and help,' said Bilious.

     'Ah. Democratic  courage,'  said Susan.  'Well,  they're all  gone.  To wherever they go.'

     Bilious lowered the branch thankfully.

     'It wasn't that-' he began.

     'Look, you two can make yourselves useful,' said Susan. 'There's a mess in there. Go and help Banjo.'

     'Banjo?'

     'He's... more or less running the place now.'

     Violet laughed.

     'But he's-'

     'He's in charge,' said Susan wearily.

     'All  right,'  said Bilious. 'Anyway, I'm sure we can tell him  what to do...'

     'No!  Too many  people have told him what  to do.  He knows what to do. Just help him get started, all right? But...'

     If the Hogfather comes  back now, you'll vanish, won't you?  She didn't know how to phrase the question.

     'I'm, er,  giving up my old job,' said Bilious. 'Er... I'm going  to go on working as a  holiday relief for the other gods.' He gave her  a pleading look.

     'Really?' Susan looked  at Violet. Oh, well, maybe if  she believes  in him, at least... It might work. You never know.

     'Good,' she said. 'Have fun. Now I'm going  home. This is  a hell of  a way to spend Hogswatch.'

     She found Binky waiting by the stream.

     The Auditors  fluttered  anxiously.  And, as  always happens  in  their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work out who to blame.

     One said, It was...

     And  then  it  stopped.  The  Auditors lived by consensus,  which  made picking scapegoats a  little problematical. It brightened up. After all,  if everyone was  to blame, then  it  was no  one's actual  fault.  That's  what collective responsibility meant, after  all. It  was more like  bad luck, or something.

     Another said, Unfortunately, people might get the wrong idea. We may be asked questions.

     One said, What about Death? He interfered, after all.

     One said, Er... not exactly.

     One said, Oh, come on. He got the girl involved.

     One said, Er... no. She got herself involved.

     One said, Yes, but he told her...

     One said, No. He didn't. In fact he specifically did not tell--

     It paused, and then said, Damn!

     One said, On the other hand...

     The robes turned towards it.

     Yes?

     One said, There's no actual evidence. Nothing written down. Some humans got  excited  and decided  to  attack the  Tooth  Fairy's country.  This  is unfortunate, but nothing to do with us. We are shocked, of course.

     One said, There's still  the Hogfather. Things are going to be noticed. Questions may be asked.

     They hovered for a while, unspeaking.

     Eventually one said, We may have  to take... It paused,  loath even  to think the word, but managed to continue... a risk.

     Bed, thought Susan, as the mists rolled past  her. And in the  morning, decent human things like coffee and porridge. And bed. Real things...

     Binky stopped. She stared at his ears for a moment, and  then urged him forward. He whinnied, and didn't budge.

     A skeletal hand had grabbed his bridle. Death materialized.

IT IS NOT OVER. MORE MUST BE DONE. THEY TORMENT HIM STILL.

     Susan sagged. 'What is? Who are?'

     MOVE FORWARD. I WILL  STEER.  Death climbed into the saddle and reached around her for the reins.

     'Look, I went...' Susan began.