I Know What I Saw

‘It is interesting, Mr Shute, how you use that word “strangle”. Because although the post-mortem records that she died from a blunt force trauma injury to the head, it also shows that she had bruises on her neck. The post-mortem report says this: “Present on the neck, four sites of cutaneous bruising and a further five sites displaying fingernail abrasions. It has not been possible to date the contusions using any back-calculation but a reasonable conclusion is that somewhere up to forty-eight hours before her death, pressure had been applied to the deceased’s neck in a throttling action.” So, my question is, Mr Shute, did you strangle her?’

‘No comment.’

‘Is that how you knew she had been strangled? Because you were the one who did it?’

‘No comment.’

‘Was it beyond your control?’

When he says the words this time, the memory comes in a wave back to me. It was from a film we had seen together at the cinema, Dangerous Liaisons. John Malkovich kept saying the line over and over again. I don’t remember why, but I remember he did and she, the girl, cried harder each time. I cannot tell them this in a way that sounds good.

‘No comment.’

‘Okay. The thing that we are concerned about is that it doesn’t look that good for you at the moment. By your own admission, you were in her house. We believe she must have invited you in because there were no signs of forced entry. By your own admission, you saw her being strangled. She in fact had been strangled. You were the last person to see her alive and the first person to see her dead. Now unless another person broke into the house while you were there and killed her in front of you and then repaired the door and left, we can only see one way this murder happened. It was you.’

There’s no way out of this. ‘No comment.’

‘You were in love with her. You were writing her letters telling her you would never let her go.’

Jan interrupts, throwing her hands back in high dudgeon. ‘It doesn’t say that! It says that he can’t let her go. And, as we have already established, he didn’t send the letter.’

‘Okay, then that you can’t let her go. And then we have this money that you empty out in cash from her account. We think that you used that money to help you disappear after the murder. And it did help you disappear for a very long time, didn’t it?’

‘What’s your evidence that he used that money?’ says Jan, bridling.

‘Well, you tell us, Mr Shute. Did you use the money? Is it lying safely in a suitcase somewhere collecting dust?’

Jan and I look at each other and then flick our eyes away before it can be noticed. My eyes land on Blake’s. She noticed.

‘No comment,’ I say.

‘So, you tell us if we have it wrong. If someone else did this murder, tell us who. Tell us how he got in. This is your chance to put your side of the story.’

I don’t know what to do for the best. This interview is a mess. Whenever I say something it makes things worse. But I know each time I say no comment that a jury hearing it will think I am guilty, that I have no answers to give.

‘Okay, Mr Shute. Before we terminate this interview is there anything else you’d like to say to us?’

‘No. Just. I didn’t kill her. I didn’t do it,’ I say in desperation.

‘Then tell us what you know. Help us catch the killer. Surely you’d want to help catch the person who did this?’

‘Yes,’ I say.

‘So, come on, because at the moment we have no reason not to charge you with this. And there’s no reason for me to recommend bail on what little you have given us.’

Jan leaps out of her seat. ‘Officer Conway, that is improper and you know it. It’s a breach of PACE to offer any inducement for an interview comment,’ she says, leaning over the desk, stabbing her finger at Conway. The ferocity of her objection puts my eyes on stalks.

‘Wait. Hang on right there, you know that was not meant as an inducement—’ he starts, going pale.

Blake cuts in. ‘What DI Conway is saying is that it is your right to answer no comment. It is an ongoing right. And to be clear you are not being pressured to answer any questions. But this is your chance. He is right, we cannot recommend police bail in your case. The evidence is strong, Xander. Really strong. And you haven’t helped us with your defence. You show us why we have got it wrong and that could change whether we even charge you. But on what you have given us, you’re being charged with murder.’

Jan nudges me and I turn to see her shaking her head firmly.

I turn to look at Blake and although I know that she is not my friend, I sense that she is trying to give me a chance. I don’t know whether I can survive the walls of a prison when even the walls of Seb’s beautiful house feel like a prison. I take a breath and try to slow down the thoughts in my head.

‘No comment,’ I say.

38 Thursday

They charged me with murder. Jan left. Now I’m here in a police cell, knowing only that there’s an emergency bail hearing tomorrow, Friday, at Southwark Crown Court.