King Rat

“Finally the dressing room door opened and everyone surged in. I tagged along last and stood in the doorway. It was only then that it hit me that the men were all queers! Sean was sitting on a chair and they seemed to pour all over him, fawning on him and calling him ‘darling,’ hugging him and telling him how ‘marvelous’ he was—treating him like the beautiful star of the show. And Sean—Sean was enjoying it! Christ, he was actually enjoying their pawing! Like a bitch in heat.

“Then he suddenly saw me, and of course he was shocked too.

“He said ‘Hello, Peter’ but I couldn’t say anything. I stood staring at one of the bloody queers who had his hand on Sean’s knee. Sean was wearing a sort of flowing negligee and silk stockings and panties, and I got the feeling that he’d even arranged the folds of the negligee to show off his leg above the stocking—and it looked as if he had breasts under the negligee. Then I suddenly realized he wasn’t wearing a wig—all that hair was his own, and just as long and wavy as a girl’s.

“Then Sean asked everybody to leave. ‘Peter’s an old friend I thought was dead,’ he said. ‘I have to talk to him. Go on, please.’

“When they’d gone I asked Sean, ‘What in God’s name has happened to you? You were actually enjoying those scum pawing you.’

“‘What in God’s name has happened to all of us?’ Sean answered. Then he said with that wonderful smile of his, ‘I’m so glad to see you, Peter. I thought you were very dead. Sit down a moment while I clean my face off. We’ve a lot to talk about. Did you come on the Java work party?’

“I nodded, still in a state of shock, and Sean turned back to the mirror and began to wipe the makeup off with face cream. ‘What happened to you, Peter?’ he asked. ‘Did you get shot down?’

“When he started to take off the makeup I began to relax—everything seemed more normal. I told myself that I’d been stupid—that this was all part of the show—you know, keeping up the legend—and I was sure he’d only been pretending to enjoy it. So I apologized and said, ‘Sorry, Sean—you must think me a bloody fool! My God, it’s good to know you’re all right. I thought you’d had it too.’ I told him what had happened to me and then asked about him.

“Sean told me he’d been pranged by four Zeroes and had to parachute. When he finally got back to the airfield and found my plane, it was just a shambles. I told him how I’d set fire to it before I left—I hadn’t wanted the bloody Japs to repair the wing.

“‘Oh,’ he said, ‘well, I just presumed you’d pranged yourself landing—that you’d had it. I stayed in Bandung at headquarters with the rest of the bods and then we were all put into a camp. Shortly afterwards we were sent to Batavia and from there to here.’

“Sean was looking at himself in the mirror all the time, and his face was as smooth and fine as any girl’s. Suddenly I got the strangest feeling that he had forgotten all about me. I didn’t know what to do. Then he turned away from the mirror and looked right at me, and he was frowning in a funny way. All at once I sensed how unhappy he was, so I asked him if he wanted me to go.

“‘No,’ he said. ‘No, Peter, I want you to stay.’

“And then he picked up a girl’s purse that was on the dressing table, dug out a lipstick and began making up his lips.

“I was stunned. ‘What’re you doing?’ I said.

“‘Putting on lipstick, Peter.’

“‘Come off it, Sean,’ I said. ‘A joke’s a joke. The show was over half an hour ago.’

“But he went right on, and when his lips were perfect he powdered his nose and brushed his hair, and by God he was the beautiful girl again. I couldn’t believe it. I still thought in some weird way he was playing a joke on me.

“He patted a curl here and there and then sat back and examined himself in the mirror, and he seemed absolutely satisfied with what he saw. Then he saw me in the mirror staring at him and he laughed. ‘What’s the matter, Peter?’ he said. ‘Haven’t you been in a dressing room before?’

“‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I have—a girl’s dressing room.’

“He looked at me a long time. Then he straightened his negligee and crossed his legs. ‘This is a girl’s dressing room,’ he said.

“‘Come off it, Sean,’ I said, getting irritated, ‘it’s me, Peter Marlowe. We’re in Changi, remember? The show’s over and now everything’s normal again.’

“‘Yes,’ he said perfectly calmly, ‘everything’s normal.’

“It took me a long time to say anything. ‘Well,’ I managed to get out at last, ‘aren’t you going to get out of those clothes and clean that muck off your face?’

“‘I like these clothes, Peter,’ he said, ‘and I always wear makeup now.’ He got up and opened a cupboard and by God it was full of sarongs and dresses and panties and bras and so on. He turned around and he was perfectly calm. ‘These are the only clothes I wear nowadays,’ he said. ‘I am a woman.’

“‘You must be out of your mind,’ I said.