Lament for a lost lover

We had not yet returned to Eversleigh but planned to do so within a few days. My parents had gone to Far Flamstead and Geoffrey to his estate. Lord and Lady Eversleigh, with Uncle Toby and Charlotte, had gone in the carriage to visit some old friends of theirs on the other side of Islington. Carleton had ridden over. As I had never met their friends and wished to make my preparations for our departure, I said that I would stay in the house.

It proved to be a fatal decision. I often thought how such a small incident, seemingly insignificant at the time, can affect the course of our lives. No sooner had they set out than it started to rain. Within an hour it was torrential.

The wind had come up again and I wondered how they were faring. I busied myself with getting my things together and laying out the little gifts I had bought for the boys. I had drums and a hobbyhorse apiece and battledores and shuttlecocks, and I had bought them new jackets and complete riding outfits apiece. I gloated over these things, packed them and unpacked them while I anticipated the pleasure they would give.

The afternoon grew darker. The rain was still falling, the wind still howling. It was going to be a rough night.

At six o’clock I ordered that the candles be lighted, for it was very dark, and Matilda had said they would be back not later than six. She had no fancy for being out when the light was failing. The roads were thick with thieves and no one was safe. These men carried blunderbusses and did not hesitate to use them if their victims did not surrender their possessions with speed.

So I was sure Matilda would insist on their returning early, as it was such a dark day. In fact I had expected them to be in before this.

The minutes ticked away. It was seven o’clock. Something be wrong. I was now beginning to be anxious.

It was just after seven when I heard someone come in. I hurried down the stairs and, to my surprise, there was Carleton. He was soaked to the skin, the water dripped from his clothes and was even running from his hat down his face. “What a plight!” he cried seeing me. Then he laughed. “I rode back because I thought you’d be anxious. The carriage was stuck in the mud close to the Crispins’ place. They are all staying the night there. It would be folly to come back on a night like this.”

“Oh ... they are all right then?”

“Perfectly all right. No doubt feasting on roast beef and warming themselves with malmsey wine at this moment, and I should not at all object to following their example. Have you supped?”

“Not yet ... I was waiting ...”

“We’ll sup together.”

“First you must get some dry clothes. I will have hot water sent to your room immediately.

Get those things off without delay. Take a bath and get into dry things ...”

“I am delighted to obey you.”

“Then pray do not stand there. Get to your room and I will have the water sent up at once.”

I felt excited. I pretended not to know why. I had not realized how anxious I had been. It was wonderful to know that they were all well, and I was glad that I was not going to be alone for the evening. Even Carleton, I told myself, was better than no one.

I went to the kitchen. “Master Carleton is wet through,” I told them. “He has ridden through this terrible weather from beyond Islington. He needs hot water ... plenty of it. And have some soup made hot. We will sup as soon as he is ready.” I went to my room. It was rather silly, I told myself, to be so elated, but I was looking forward to one of those verbal battles which were always inevitable when we were together.

I looked at myself in my mirror. It was a pity I was wearing this dark blue gown.

The material was velvet and quite pleasant but it was not my most becoming gown.

My eyes went to the cherry red silk.

What was I thinking of? If I changed I could be sure he would notice and he would imagine it had been done for him. jsfo, I must stay in my blue gown.

He was quicker than I had believed possible. He came into the winter parlour, which was used when there were only a few to eat together and where I had ordered that a fire be lighted, and I thought the room with the small tapestry on one wall and candles flickering in their sockets while the log fire threw a glow over the room was very attractive. The table had been laid for two and the dish of soup was already on the table, hot, steaming and smelling delicious.

He came in, fresh from his bath, ruffles at his neck and the sleeves of his shirt. He wore no jacket but a brocade vest. I thought: I suppose he looks handsome if one cares for that kind of saturnine looks.

“What a pleasure!” he cried. “Supper a deux. I could not have wished for anything more delightful. I enjoyed your solicitude ... hustling me into my bath, making me take off my wet garments, making sure that I put on clean dry ones.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I merely suggested what would seem good sense to anyone.

There is nothing to be grateful for in that.”

“You really did seem concerned. This soup tastes good.”