Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 15 Who Went Into the Closet

Experience warned him that she might be part of the ring, luring him to show his hand. Yet, a tremor in the roots of his moustache told him to risk the gamble. He had formulated a plan. He said, "I'm just a reporter with a suspicion that Junior's grandmother I was a victim of fraud."

"Oh, dear! Are you going to expose it?"

"There's insufficient evidence at present, and that's where you can help. You thought highly of Mrs. Gage; are you willing to playa harmless trick on those who robbed her? I believe your grandson would approve."

"Can I tell Clayton about it? I write him every week."

"You're not to confide in him or Mr. Crocus or anyone else. Consider yourself an undercover agent. You'll be rewarded for your time and cooperation, of course. In Pickax we have an eleemosynary foundation that's committed to the pursuit of justice."

"I never heard of one of those," she said, "but I'm honored that you'd ask me to help. Do you think I can do it?"

"No doubt about it, provided you follow orders."

"What if it doesn't work? What if I get caught?"

Qwilleran said, "Whether it succeeds or fails, no one will suspect you of duplicity, and you'll be kept in chocolate-covered cherries for life."

Celia howled with delight. "What do I do first?"

"You'll receive your briefing along with a check to cover expenses. Where do you receive your mail?"

"It comes to the park office, and we pick it up there. It's a good excuse to go for a walk and chat with our neighbors. Sometimes we pick up each other's mail."

"That being the case," he said, "I'll send your orders to the post office in care of general delivery."

"Oh, goody!" Celia said as the elements of intrigue dawned upon her. "Is this a sting?"

"You might call it that. Now go home and say nothing. I'll put the wheels in motion, and you should receive your assignment in two days, unless we have another Big Snow."

"Thank you, Mr. Qwilleran! This gives me a real boot!"

He emerged from the bedroom patting his moustache with satisfaction. He even said a kind word to Bootsie, who was sitting outside the door, and he was very good company for the rest of the evening.

The next day, as he worked on Celia's briefing, he thought, This may be the dumbest thing I ever did in my life - sending $5,000 to a stranger who may be a double agent. And yet...

The document that went into the mail read as follows:

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY! Memorize, shred, and flush.

TO: Agent 0013 1/2

FROM: Q

MISSION: Operation Greenback, Phase One

ASSIGNMENT: Your unmarried sister in Chicago has

died, leaving you sole heir to a large house, valuable

possessions, and financial assets. You wish to share

your new fortune with your neighbors by giving a

Christmas party in the clubhouse on December 11 or 12.

Notify the management that you will spend as much as

$5,000 on a caterer, florist, and live music. (A check for

this amount, drawn on a Chicago bank, will arrive under

separate cover.) Observe the management's reaction to

the above and report to Q. Watch for further briefings in

the mail.

Qwilleran had planned the tongue-in-cheek approach to relieve any apprehension Celia might have, and he could imagine her merry laughter upon reading the document. And if, he reflected grimly, she happened to be a double agent, her laughter would be even merrier. He still trusted the encouraging sensation on his upper lip, however, and he prepared a second secret document to go out in the mail the next day:

MISSION: Operation Greenback, Phase Two

ASSIGNMENT: Ask the management about the

possibility of moving into a double-wide... Test them by

saying that your sister wished you to adopt her cat, who

has a trust fund of his own of $10,000 a year. Ask for a

special permit to have an indoor cat who is quiet, and

not destructive, and rich. Observe their reactions to the

above and report to Q at HQ.

Qwilleran enclosed a card with his home phone number and instructions to call collect from a pay phone any evening between five and six o'clock. Then he waited. He wrote two columns for the Moose County Something. He signed a hundred Christmas cards for Lori Bamba to address. He looked at jewelry from Minneapolis and selected a lavaliere and earrings for Polly: fiery black opals rimmed with discreet diamonds. He read more of Robinson Crusoe to the cats.

One early evening, as he was beginning to doubt the wisdom of enlisting Celia, he was talking with Lori Bamba on the phone when Koko started biting the cord. "Excuse me, Lori," he said. "Koko wants me to hang up."

A moment later the phone rang, and a hushed voice said, "This is Double-Oh-Thirteen-and-a-half. Is it all right to talk?" Background noises assured him she was calling from the mall.

"By all means. I've been waiting for your report."