Lucky Jim

'Nothing at alL'

'Haven't you had a bit of bad news?* •No.'

' Oh. Well, be sure to let me know if you ever do. I might be able to give you some advice. Mightn't I?'

Atkinson lit a cigarette. 'Not much of a talker, are you?' he asked Johns. 'Is he?' he asked the other two.

'No,'they said.

Atkinson nodded and went out. From the passage they heard his rare laugh; without any definite point of change, it led to a fit of coughing which gradually receded up the stairs.

Johns began on his bacon.' It isn't funny,' he said, suddenly and surprisingly.' It isn't funny at all.'

Dixon caught a glimpse of Beesley's flushed, delighted face. 'What isn't?'he asked.

' You know what, Dixon. Two can pky at that game. You'll see.' With a shaking, wristless hand he poured himself some coffee.

The encounter ended with no more said. With a last hostile glance in the direction of Dixon's tie, Johns hurried out His work on the College staff's superannuation policies and National Health cards began at nine o'clock. As he went, Dixon saw that there was something funny about the back of his head.

Beesley leaned over. 'All right, eh, Jim?'

'Not too bad.'

'Did you notice how much he said? An absolute bloody flood of eloquence.

It's what I've always maintained: he never says a word unless he feels he's being threatened in some way. Hey, I haven't told you. Did you notice how queer his hair looked?'

'Now you mention it, I did think it looked a bit odd.'

Beesley began eating toast and marmalade. Chewing angrily, he went on: 'He's bought himself a pair of hair-clippers. I found them in the bathroom yesterday. Cuts his own hair now, you see. Too sodding mean to pay out his one-and-six, that's what it is. My God.'

This, then, was why, from the back, Johns appeared to be wearing a blatant toupee which had slipped over slightly to one side, and why, from the front, his face appeared to be surmounted by a curious helmet. Dixon was silent, thinking that Johns had at last done something he rather respected.

'What's up, Jim? You don't look too happy.'

'I'm all right.'

'Still worrying about the lecture? Look, I've got those notes on The Age of Chaucer I promised you. They're not very exciting, but there'll be a few things you can probably use. I'll stick them in your room.'

Dixon cheered up again; if he could dare to wait long enough, he might be able to construct the rest of his lecture entirely out of others' efforts. 'Thanks, Alfred,' he said; 'that'll be fine.'

'Going up to College at all?'

'Yes, I want to see Barclay.'

'Barclay? I shouldn't have thought you'd have much to say to him.'

'I want to pick his brains on medieval music.'

'Ah, got you now. Going up straight away, are you?'

'In a few minutes.'

'Grand, I'll go up with you.'

It was a warm day, but overcast. As they strolled up College Road, Beesley began talking about the examination results in his Department.

The visit of the External Examiner at the end of the week would settle a number of doubtful cases, but the main outlines of the results were already clear. The position was the same in Dixon's own Department, so that there was something to discuss.

'One thing I like about Fred Karno,' Beesley said, 'though it's about the only thing when I come to think of it: he'll never try to push anyone through that he doesn't really think's worth it. No Firsts this year for us, four Thirds, and forty-five per cent of the first-year people failed; that's the way to deal with 'em. Fred's about the only prof, in the place who's resisting all this outside pressure to chuck Firsts around like teaching diplomas and push every bugger who can write his name through the Pass courses. What's Neddy's angle on the business?

Or hasn't he got round to getting one yet?' "That's right. He leaves most of it to Cecil Goldsmith, and that means everyone gets through. Cecil's a tender-hearted chap, you know.'

'Tender-headed, you mean. It's the same everywhere you look; not only this place, but all the provincial universities are going the same way.

Not London, I suppose, and not the Scottish ones. But my God, go to most places and try and get someone turfed out merely because he's too stupid to pass his exams - it'd be easier to sack a prof. That's the trouble with having so many people here on Education Authority grants, you see.'

'How do you mean? The students have got to get their money from somewhere.'

'Well, you know, Jim. You can see the Authorities' point in a way. " We pay for John Smith to enter College here and now you tell us, after seven years, that he'll never get a degree. You're wasting our money."