Mything Persons

It isn't often I catch my old mentor totally by surprise

... I get him upset on a fairly regular basis, but total

surprise was a real rarity. This was one of those golden

times.

"Say WHAT?" Aahz exclaimed loudly.

"Trust me, Aahz," I insisted. "I know what I'm

doing. Just talk to me. Tell me a story. How did you

first meet Garkin?"

"Oh, that," he said, rolling his eyes expressively.

"Well, we were at the same boring cocktail party, see

... you know, one of those dreary affairs where the

crowd has you pinned against the wall and you get stuck

talking to whatever the tide washes up against you?

Anyway, he was trying to impress some little bit of fluff

with his magic, which really wasn't all that hot in those

days ... let me tell you, partner, anytime you start get-

ting depressed with your lack of progress in the magic

business, remind me to tell you what your old teacher

Garkin was like when we first met. But, as I was saying,

out of respect for the craft, I just had to wander over

and show them what the real stuff looked like... not

that I had any interest in her myself, mind you...."

I felt Guido tugging on my pantleg.

"Say, Boss," he complained. "What is this? I

thought we were in a hurry."

"This is what we needed the time for," I whispered

back.

"For thisV he grumbled. "But Boss, if we don't get

started. ..."

"We're started," I answered. "Now pay attention to

what he's saying."

110

Robert Asprin

I was afraid our side comments might have distracted

Aahz, but I needn't have worried. As per normal, once

my partner got on a verbal roll, he wasn't that easy to

stop.

"...so there we were, just the three of us, mind you,

and remember, our clothes were five floors away at this

point...."

"What's going on, Hot Stuff?" Massha hissed from

her position above me. "I know you've heard this story

before. Heck, I've heard it four times myself."

"Keep your eye on the dragon," I advised her. "And

be ready to act fast."

I was going through the motions of reacting to Aahz's

story and fielding the impatient questions of my assis-

tants as best I could, but my real attention was focused

on the dragon's head. My strategy was already working.

Aahz's droning account of past glories was starting to

take effect.

The dragon's eyes were definitely starting to glaze.

"...of course, after all that, I just had to take her

home with me. It was the least I could do for the poor

thing under the circumstances."

Aahz was winding up his story already! I had to keep

him going just a little bit longer.

"Was that the party where you met Tananda?" I

said, deliberately feeding him another cue.

"Tananda? No. That's another story completely. I

met her when I was sitting in on a cut-throat game of

dragon poker over at the Geek's. We had a real pigeon

on the line, the kind of idiot who would bet a busted

Corp's a' Corp's into a Unicorn Flush showing,

you know? Well, I was a little low on funds just then,

Guido was getting restless again.

"Boss, how much longer are we gonna...."

MYTH-ING PERSONS 111

"Not much longer," I interrupted. "Get hold of the

rope. We're about to move."

"... now I was holding Ogres back-to-back ... or

was it Elves? No, it was Ogres. I remember because

Tananda had Elves wrapped up. Of course, we didn't

know that until the end of the hand. Anyway, as soon as

the Geek opened, I bumped him back limit, and Tan-

anda ..."

That did it. I should have known a hand-by-hand,

bet-by-bet description of dragon poker would do the

trick.

Without any warning at all, the dragon yawned...

long and wide.

Aahz broke off his narration, a momentous event in

itself, and blinked his surprise.

"Quick, Aahz! Jump for it!"

Bewildered as he was, there was nothing wrong with

my partner's reflexes. He was out of the dragon's

mouth in a flash, diving through the air to catch the

rope below Guido.

As soon as his hands closed on our lifeline, several

things happened at the same time.

With the extra weight on Massha's levitation belt, our

whole formation started to sink at an alarming rate...

my apprentice lost her grip on me, giving me minor rope

burns as I clutched madly for the rope, almost too late

to follow the advice I had been so freely giving to every-

one else ... and the dragon closed his mouth.

I caught one last glimpse of the beast before we sank

from sight, and I honestly don't think he even knew we

were gone. His eyelids were at half-mast, and the eyes

themselves were out of focus from boredom. Aahz's

stories tended to have that effect on even vaguely-intelli-

gent beings. I had simply found a practical application

for the phenomenon.

Robert Asprin

112

"I've gotta change the controls, Hot Stuff!" Massha

called, alerting me once more to our current situation.

The ground was rushing up to meet us with frighten-

ing speed.

I remembered the faulty controls that held all of us at

their mercy.

"No! Wait, Massha! Let me try...."

Exerting my last ounce of reserve power, I worked at

levitating our whole crew. Under normal circumstances,

I could lift three people easily and four or five in a

pinch. Here in Limbo, using everything I had with