Rumble Tumble

Red suddenly looked considerably less erect. “I was kidnapped, Big Jim. Really.”

Big Jim looked at Wilber. Wilber didn’t move a muscle, didn’t flick an eyelash. Big Jim pursed his lips and turned his attention back to Red. “Wilber thinks maybe you were in with them.”

“What!” Red said. “No way. No way, Big Jim.”

“That’s Mr. Big Jim to your little red ass,” Big Jim said.

“He wasn’t in on anything,” Herman said.

“Herman,” Big Jim said. “Good to see you. Been a long fuckin’ time. I think the Bandito Supremes should have blown your brains out a long time ago. I think maybe they’re not as tough as they say. Don’t know how much longer I’m going to associate with them. Red here called to tell me he was down in Mexico. He didn’t expect you folks to return. But just in case, he wanted to tell me all about you so he could weasel his way back up my ass. I see you folks got Tillie back. My presumption is you found The Farm, and they were all ripped to the tits. Am I correct?”

“Correct,” Herman said.

“That’s no way to run a business. Personally, I don’t allow my men to indulge like that. These Bandito Supremes, they been trading on their reps too long.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Red said.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Red,” Big Jim said. “Way I see it, I got a whole nest of rotten eggs here. I got the stoned whore who wanted out of my business, then didn’t finish her punishment at The Farm. I got the guys came into my whorehouse and shot the foot off Moose. Moose!”

The man Leonard had shot limped from the back. His expensive pant leg was cut back and he was wearing a cast on his foot with metal braces.

“See Moose there,” Big Jim said. “He’s got to wear that … what is it, Moose? Six weeks?”

Moose nodded.

“That’s a bad thing to do,” Big Jim said. “You guys coming in there like that, causing a ruckus, shooting Moose. He had to rip up some good pants. What, two suits, Moose?”

“Two suits,” Moose said.

“Antics like that do not encourage business. That wasn’t enough, you go down and get my whore from associates of mine who I was letting use her. I don’t like that. And you take my dwarf.”

“Midget, sir,” Red said.

Big Jim glanced at Red, turned back to us. “You took my dwarf. I don’t like that. He may not be worth much, he may even be a traitor—”

“No sir, Big Jim,” Red said. “No, sir.”

Big Jim turned and looked at Red again, said, “Red, I hear your mouth without asking you to say anything, I’ll have you killed. Maybe I’ll stuff you, put you in my office for a hat rack. Got me?”

“Yes, sir,” Red said.

“Now, where was I? Oh yeah, you come and get my gnome. You maybe convinced him to help you out. Could have been working with you all along. I don’t like that. Can’t let shit like that go. And look what you done? You’ve implicated others. I got to kill this other guy now. Who are you, anyway?”

“Irvin. I flew the plane. I’m just someone they hired.”

“Too bad, Irvin. The whore, she goes back to work. The woman here, maybe she and me could work something out. I think she could pull some change.”

“Not likely,” Brett said.

“All right,” Big Jim said, “then you get popped too. And Herman, I got to kill you, man. You know how it is? Once you start letting people get away with shit, well, it goes wild. Red here, and Wilber. I forgave them. Let them come back, and it’s been nothing but dog shit and piss water ever since. In Wilber’s case, that’s okay. He’s a moron. Right, Wilber?”

Wilber’s face jumped slightly, but he nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Yeah, a moron. But the leprechaun here, he knew what he was doing and he talked the moron into it. I shouldn’t have let the little shit come back, you know. Like midgets are bad luck anyway, and now, I don’t know. Maybe Red had something to do with all this, maybe not. Maybe he’s just trying to snake back in ’cause things didn’t go the way he wanted. Like with the Tulsa whorehouse. I think wiping him out, that’s a way for me to correct an old mistake I should have fixed some time ago. Sometimes I’m too big-hearted, you know?”

I glanced at Red. He was trembling inside his ruined cowboy suit. It was the first time I believe I had actually seen him afraid.

“Well,” Leonard said. “You gonna do it, or just talk us to death?”

“Ooooh,” Big Jim said. “Feisty. You been watching too much TV, my man. You been seeing too many talky niggers. Where I come from a nigger is still a nigger.”

“Where you come from, fuckin’ your dog and your mother are legal,” Leonard said. “Or having your dog fuck your mother. It’s all the same, ain’t it?”

“Boy,” said Big Jim, “you really want to die, don’t you?”

“Beats having you bore me to death,” Leonard said.

“Like I was sayin’,” Big Jim said, “you and this fella here, you got balls. But, unfortunately for you, they aren’t bulletproof.”

“I didn’t do anything but fly them,” Irvin said. “They paid me and I did it. I didn’t know what they were going to do.”