SANDMAN SLIM

"Hello you shit-sucking sulfur monkeys. In case you haven't guessed, I'm Sandman Slim and I crawled back down to perdition's ball sac for just a moment of your time. And if you don't believe I'm Sandman Slim, step up closer and I'll take a lot more than a moment from you.

"Now, I know what a lot of you would like to do to me, but I want you to think about this first: I might be the monster who kills monsters and the biggest bastard in existence, but that's your real enemy right there. The man who followed me here. Look at his arm. He's Kissi. And he's been chasing me all over Creation because he wants me to help him bring a Kissi army down here to turn you into the slaves you refused to be in Heaven. I didn't bring his army, but I brought him. And I'm giving him to you. A New Year's gift from Sandman Slim."

By now, most of the crowd is fixated on Mason and his arm. He transforms it to look human, but that just pisses them off even more. They press in on Mason from every direction, but no one wants to make the first move. I pick up one of the Hellion beer mugs and, just when I feel a wave of tension pass through the crowd, smash it. There's something magical about the sound of breaking glass. Especially around a mob. It works for both humans and Hellions. If you want to start a riot, throw a bottle.

The moment the mug shatters, the crowd surges forward, banshee-howling, crushing Mason at its center.

Hellion gendarmes are heading toward the square. That guarantees a full-scale devil's night party riot. I duck, stay low, and move from table to table until I'm out of the square. Then I take off running for the Door of Fire.

I make it through and just about have the door closed when someone grabs it from the other side.

A skinny Hellion adolescent in a uniform I've never see before gets as close to the door as he can.

"You killed my master, Abaddon. I'll get to your world somehow someday, and I'll avenge him."

"Why don't you come out here and tell me all about it, sweetheart? Oh, wait. You can't come out here, can you? Magic is such a tease. When you figure out how to get yourself on the other side of this door, be sure to look me up. Until then, stay in school. Say your prayers. And just before you fall asleep tonight, pucker up and kiss my ass."

I pull the Door of Fire closed. I know I probably ought to be worried, but I can't get worked up about one more Hellion who hates my guts.

I step out of the room and into Vidocq's apartment. Allegra is on her knees, sorting broken potion bottles from ones she can salvage. Vidocq is in the kitchen making coffee. They both look at me.

"If I just did to the Kissi what I think I did, I might have just saved the world twice in one night."

"And Mason?" asks Vidocq.

"Last I saw, he was being torn limb from claw by a bunch of highly motivated Hellions."

"How are you?" asks Allegra.

"My chest hurts, but I'll be great as soon as I get a cigarette, a drink, and a lobotomy."

A FEW DAYS later.

It's sunny out, a tourist postcard L.A. afternoon at Donut Universe. I'm still not great at paying attention to dates, but I know it's a Sunday. A perfect day for a date with an angel.

I push the tissue paper at her.

"Have an apple fritter. A friend told me this place has the best in town."

"Thank you."

Aelita looks at the fritter like I just passed her a dog turd.

"The food's better at the Bamboo House of Dolls, but you didn't want to meet there."

"I don't drink."

"We didn't have to drink.". "I don't like the smell of liquor."

"What about all the wine in the Church's holy magic shows?"

"Wine isn't liquor. It's the blood of our Lord."

I take a sip of coffee. It's hot and good, but good coffee in restaurants kind of depresses me. I always wonder why it doesn't come in a cigarette flavor for places where you can't smoke.

"The state of California disagrees, otherwise teenyboppers would ask me to buy stuff for them at twenty-four-hour blood stores."

"This is exactly the kind of talk I'd expect from you."

"An Abomination?"

"Yes."

"I'll get you a thesaurus next Christmas. You need to expand your vocabulary."

"Some things are beyond redemption."

"I thought anyone could get through the Pearly Gates if they repented."

"No. Not everyone."

"Maybe I should take back my fritter."

Aelita sighs and looks out the window. She'd rather be having lunch in a volcano than sitting here with me.

"Not everyone deserves God's grace, but everything in existence has a purpose and a use. Even the abhorrent. Given that, I've come here to ask you one more time, will you work for the righteous cause of the Golden Vigil?"

"When you ask so nicely, it makes me feel all nonabhorrent."

"This is your chance to redeem yourself, if only just a little."

"Sure. I'll work for the Vigil. But on a freelance basis. And I want to be paid. In cash and in advance. I don't exactly trust holy rollers."

"You want money for doing God's work?"

"Yes. A lot of money. You practically have Area 51 tucked away in your warehouse. You can afford it."