Second Shot

“The act that pretends you’re not injured, that you’re not hurting. I’ve been there-remember?” he said at last, and there was something compressed into his voice. It took me a moment to recognize it as anger. “The act that says you’ve just had a bit of a scratch and you’ll be good as new in a couple of days.” He jerked his head at the hospital, which was to the right of us as we moved off. The collection of buildings that made up the CMMC was huge and sprawling. “Your father gave me a right bol-locking this morning for allowing you to leave that place today and I had to stand there and take it because, just for once, I completely agreed with him. You shouldn’t be out.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I can cope.” Besides, if I hadn’t got out today, you and Neagley and Matt would have gone back to North Conway and started planning against Lucas without me....

We stopped again at the light just before we reached the bridge over the impressive Androscoggin River, and Sean regarded me for a moment longer, suddenly a stranger, someone I was trying to keep secrets from. Then the lights changed and he turned his attention back to his driving.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we crossed a railway line, heading for the 202. I had no recollection of the journey from Conway to Lewis-ton. The city outside the hospital, which seemed to be made up mainly of huge abandoned warehouse buildings, was all new to me.

“Back to Conway,” Sean said shortly. “We’re just swinging by the hotel to pick up Neagley and Matt. They’re going to follow us over in Neagley’s car. That way we’ll have two different vehicles.”

For surveillance. Surveillance was good, I told myself. Sitting in a car and watching I could do, if nothing else.

“We should be able to manage OK with the four of us,” I said.

“And what exactly do you think you’re going to be able to do?”

“Come on, Sean, I want to help,” I said, hearing the stubbornness in my voice as a direct result of the coolness in his. “I need to help.” Damn, when did that note of pleading creep in? I looked down at my hands and found them tightly clasped, left over right, in my lap. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”

He sighed. “In a war situation,” he said, conversational, “it’s better, tactically, to wound the enemy than to kill them. You know why?”

Of course I did. He just wanted to hear me say it. “Because it ties up able-bodied men, getting them away from the battlefield and treating them. And it’s bad for morale for those going to fight to see the wounded.”

“You’re here because we couldn’t leave you behind,” he said bluntly. “I know you, and you’d have walked to bloody North Conway if we’d tried it. But looking after you once we get there is going to mean more work for everyone else.”

“I won’t be-”

“Face it, Charlie, you can’t even go to the loo by yourself.”

My face heated. “Give me a couple more days and I’m sure I’ll have got the hang of that one,” I bit out. “And if we’re using your battlefield analogy, aren’t you forgetting something?”

He didn’t respond other than to raise an eyebrow in query.

“If it comes down to it,” I said with a certainty I didn’t altogether feel, “one way or another, I can still fight.”

Sean had arranged to rent one of the time-share apartments that bordered the eastern slopes of Mount Cranmore, which was farther up the mountain from the Lucases’ house and had a couple of alternative approach roads. Harrington was bankrolling us on this one- at least until he’d satisfied himself that Ella was in no immediate danger.

And then?

I didn’t want to think about what happened then.

As it was, the dreams of Ella had lessened in their frequency, if not their intensity. I missed her with an ferocious anger that still took me by surprise, reaching out to claw at me unexpectedly when I was least prepared.

Every car we passed on the journey across into New Hampshire seemed to have a small curly-headed child in the rear seat.

It was dark by the time we arrived back in North Conway and pulled up in one of the designated parking spaces outside the apartment block. Neagley slotted her Saturn SUV in next to us and Matt climbed out of the passenger seat. He only seemed to have brought lightweight clothing, and the cold was biting. His teeth instantly began to chatter while he waited for Sean to help me out of the Explorer. I tried to hurry and that only seemed to make me more clumsy.

Neagley took the keys and unlocked, flicking on the lights and looking around the place. By the time I’d hobbled along the icy path to the front door, she’d done a full inspection.

“Only two bedrooms,” she said. “One double, one twin. Do we draw lots?”

“I can take the sofa,” I said quickly.

“You’re in the double,” Sean said, no arguments. “And so am 1.1 won’t have you sleeping alone.”

I felt Neagley’s eyes on me, curious, but wouldn’t answer her gaze.