Self-discovery

“Let's go over to the railroad station, fellows,” the second operative suggested. “After all, he's no fool. He's not going to stroll down the avenue!”

Victor Kravets was at that moment making his way down a dark, deserted side street.

After he jumped out of the moving police car, he went through the park to the banks of the Dnieper and lay in the bushes, waiting for dark. He wanted to smoke and to eat. The low sun gilded the sand of Beach Island, dotted with bright mushrooms; there were still bathers there. A small tug, spreading watery whiskers from shore to shore, was hurrying upriver to the freight yards to get a new barge. Cars and buses moved noisily below the cliff.

“We finally got there. We thought everything through: the method of the experiments, the variants in using the method, even its influence on the world situation. This was the only variant we didn't foresee. What a fall from great heights face down into the mud! From researcher to criminal. My God, what kind of work is this — one failed experiment and everything flies out the window. I'm not prepared for this game with investigators and medical experts, so unprepared that I might as well go down to the library and start reading up on the criminal code and the — what else is there? — the judicial code. I don't know the rules of the game, and I might lose. I guess, I already have lost. The library… how could I have time for the library now?”

The cooling towers of the electrostation on the other side of the Dnieper exhaled fat columns of steam as though they were trying to make clouds. The low edge of the sun touched them.

“What should I do now? Go back to the police, tell them everything, make a clean breast of it' and give away (despicably) the secret we tried to keep from evil eyes? And give it away not to save the project, but to save myself? This won't save the work: in two or three days everything will start rotting in the laboratory, and I won't be able to prove a thing, and no one will believe me, and no one will know what happened there. I won't save myself that way either: Krivoshein died. The weight of his death is on me, as they say. Should I go to Azarov and explain things to him? There's no way I could explain anything to him now. I'm less than a student on probation to him — I'm a shady character with forged papers. If he's been informed of my escape, then as a loyal administrator, he must cooperate with the police. There it is, man's problem, in full view. The source of all our troubles. We simply can't solve it through the laboratory method. We! That's a laugh. We who have achieved such greatness. We in whose hands lie the unheard — of possibilities of synthesizing information. What the hell. We can't handle this problem; time to fess up. And what sense is there in the rest without it?”

The sun was setting. Kravets got up, brushed off his trousers, and went up the path, not knowing where or why. Loose change jangled in his pockets. He counted it: enough for a pack of cigarettes and a very light supper. “And then?” Two young coeds, comfortably studying for exams on a bench in the bushes, looked with interest at the handsome young man, shook their heads to dispel evil thoughts, and went back to their notes. “Mmm… I guess I won't be completely lost. Should I go see Lena? But she's probably under surveillance, and they'll catch me….”

The path led out onto a quiet, uninhabited street. Branches heavy with ripening cherries hung over the fences. At the street's end, a cloud blazed, underlit with red.

It was getting dark fast. The evening coolness was creeping up under his shirt, onto his bare chest. On the opposite side of the street, a half block away from Victor, two men in caps walked out of the shadows. “Police!” Kravets ducked into an alley. He ran a block and then stopped to calm his heart.

“To think of it! I've never run from anyone in twenty years, and now I'm like a boy chased out of somebody's yard.” His helplessness and degradation made the desire for a cigarette unbearable. “The game is lost. I just have to admit that and leave. Follow my feet. After all, everyone of us has experienced the desire to get away from some situation or other. Now it's my turn, damn it! What else can I do?”

The alley led out into the glow of blue lights. The sight brought on a wave of animal hunger: he hadn't eaten in twenty — four hours. “Hm… so there are restaurants still open. I'll go. Nobody's going to look for me on Marx Prospect.”