Self-discovery

“Ah, he's not the first, and he's not the last!” I said, picking up my soldering iron. “Good old Harry! Of course, we could give him a bit of… but is the game worth the candle?”

We were a little uneasy about it. 1 was always angry when I had to watch a bootlicker making progress at full speed; I experience angry thoughts and begin to despise myself for the reasonable recalcitrance of my extremities. But really, the game wasn't worth the candle. We had so much serious work for just the two of us, and my position was not yet secure — I shouldn't get involved. Especially not with Harry Hilobok. Ivanov and I once tried to catch Harry in plagiarism. Valery appeared at a seminar, proved everything. But all that happened was that the scientific council recommended that Hilobok rework his article. And then he tried ruining our lives for ever after….

And these public face slappings in front of an audience — with the usual discussions afterward, when people no longer greet each other — are not my piece of cake. When they occur I experience an uncontrollable urge to beat it to my lab, turn on all the equipment, take down data in my journal, and try to do something worthwhile. Now if there were some way to fix guys like Harry with lab methods — you know, the power of engineering thought….

It was worth thinking about. The act that the Voltampernovs and Hiloboks roll out onto the broad highway of science is proof that there are not enough smart people around. And this is in science, where the intellect is the fundamental measuring stick of a man's qualities. How about in other fields? They put up want ads: “Lathe workers wanted” or “Wanted: engineers, technicians, accountants, and supply personnel.” But no one writes “Wanted: smart people. Apartment comes with job.” Are they too embarrassed? Or are there no apartments? You could start off without the apartments…. Why hide it? Smart people are wanted, and how! They're wanted for life, for the development of society.

“We must… make doubles of smart people!” I shouted. “Smart, active, decent people! Val, that's the best application!”

He looked at me with undisguised sadness.

“You beat me to it, you bum.”

“And this will be a reward for those people for living,” I went on. “Society needs you. You know how to work fruitfully, live honestly. And that means there should be more like you! Maybe even several; there'll be enough work for all. Then we'll crowd out the Hiloboks….”

This idea revived our self — respect. We felt ourselves on top of things once more and spent the day dreaming about how we would multiply talented scholars, writers, musicians, inventors, heroes…. It really wasn't a bad idea!

Chapter 12

A scientific fact: the sound “a” is pronounced without any pressure of the tongue, by exhaling; if at the same time you open and close your mouth, you get “ma… ma….” That is the origin of a child's first word.

That means that the child is taking the path of least resistance. What are the parents so happy about?

— K. Prutkov — engineer, Thought 53

The first few weeks I was still wary of my double: what if he suddenly disintegrated or dissolved? Or went berserk? He was an artificial creation. Who knew? But no way! He fiercely put away sausage and yogurt drinks in the evening after a tough day at the lab, enjoyed his long baths, liked to have a smoke before going to sleep — in a word, just like me.

After the Hilobok incident, we carefully plotted out the day every morning: where would we be, doing what? When would we eat at the cafeteria? At what time would each of us go through the entryway, so that Vakhterych would forget in the rush that one Krivoshein had already gone through. In the evening we would tell each other whom we had seen and what we had talked about.

The only thing we didn't discuss was Lena. It was as though she did not exist. I even took her photo off my desk. And she didn't come over or call — she was mad at me. And I didn't call her. And neither did he… but she was still there.

It was May, a poetic, glorious southern May — with blue twilights, nightingales in the park, and huge stars above the trees. The chestnut blooms were falling and the acacias were flowering. The sweet, troubling scent penetrated the lab, disturbing our work. We both felt gypped. Ah, Lena, my dear, passionate Lena, reveling in love, why is there only one of you on earth?