Songs of Love & Death

I’d had my work admired and praised, but I had never known the sheer exhilaration of captivating a reluctant listener. I’d chosen this piece for Prince Rolande, and Prince Rolande alone. I was reciting it to him, and him alone. It forged a bond between us. As his face broke into a delighted grin, my heart soared. I let my voice take on a fiercer edge, and I reveled in the sparkling approval I saw in his eyes.

When I finished, the prince was the first to applaud, taking to his feet. His companions followed, shouting praise. I bowed deeply, feeling as though I’d run a long race.

Prince Rolande came toward me. “Well done, Anafiel de Montrève. I’d no idea poetry could be so stirring.”

I bowed again. “My thanks, your highness.”

“Call me Rolande.” His mouth quirked. “I am meant to be but a humble student here.”

I gazed at his face, the proud, high-boned features. “Call me Anafiel. And at the risk of seeming importunate, I daresay humble is a word seldom applied to you, my lord Rolande.”

He laughed, extending one hand. “Ah, mayhap! Any mind, well done and well met.”

I clasped his hand, and felt his grip harden in the subtle way that men do when taking one another’s measure. His hand was firm and callused, clearly more familiar with a sword hilt than a scholar’s stylus. I narrowed my eyes at him ever so slightly, and tightened my own grip, shifting my feet unobtrusively to settle into a Siovalese wrestling stance.

Rolande felt it and gave me a bright, hard smile, happy to find me equal to his implicit challenge. “Will you share my couch for dinner this evening? I suspect we have much to discuss.”

I smiled back at him. “With pleasure.”

OH, EDMÉE! I’M Sorry, So Sorry.

Dying, I find there are so many people, living and dead, to whom I owe apologies. Edmée, Alcuin, mayhap even that bitch Isabel L’Envers. All the gentry whose trust I have betrayed these long years while I have played the role of the Whoremaster of Spies. Phèdre, my last pupil; my anguissette all unwitting of the stakes of the game we play, Kushiel’s Chosen, on whom my dying hope rests. I can only thank the gods that she was not here today, and pray that she survives.

And yet would I have done anything differently?

No.

Mayhap.

I don’t know.

What did I know of love? I was eighteen, and I knew nothing. I was D’Angeline, I’d been instructed in the arts of pleasure. I’d had casual dalliances here and there like any young nobleman.

I knew nothing.

But then, neither did Rolande.

There are those who think Blessed Elua is a gentle god, but love is not a gentle thing. It is urgent and insistent, and it will not be denied. It will level cities to attain its goal.

Or destroy lives.

THAT NIGHT, THE first night at the Senator’s villa, Rolande and I shared a couch and spoke of desultory things: poetry, academics, gossip from home. We did not address my true purpose in coming to Tiberium.

I was glad.

I didn’t want to speak of Edmée to him, not yet. Selfishly, I wanted to keep this moment to myself. When Leon Degrasse glowered at me, I ignored him.

All the while, two unspoken things lay between us. The first, of course, was Edmée and the Comte de Rocaille’s ambitions. The second was the spark of undeniable attraction that had ignited between us, casting a vast shadow over the other matter.

Rolande did not flaunt his interest, but neither did he try to hide it even though Tiberian culture was more rigid than ours and did not look kindly on dalliances between men. The desire in his gaze was frank and open, firing my blood, making the torches brighter and the wine sweeter.

Never before had I thought to wonder why poets speak of falling in love. That night, I began to understand. I felt as though I’d stepped off a high precipice the moment that I locked gazes with Rolande de la Courcel, and I was sinking steady toward unknown depths. The very ground beneath me felt unsteady.

I wanted… gods! Wanted to kiss his generous mouth, the line of his jaw. Wanted to slide my hands up his strong arms, to feel the muscles working in his broad shoulders. I wanted to take him up on that subtle challenge, to pit my strength against his, our naked bodies straining and wrestling together until one of us surrendered, and the other claimed a sweet victory…

Instead, we made polite conversation until it was time to leave, bidding our host a gracious farewell. Outside the villa, the prince’s companions called to him, badgering him to honor a pledge he’d made.

“Will you renege on your word, your highness?” one of them asked smoothly; the fair-haired Barquiel L’Envers, heir to a powerful Namarrese duchy, brother to Isabel L’Envers, another contender for the prince’s hand in marriage. I did not care for the dismissive way his gaze skated over me. “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.”

“No!” Rolande retorted, stung. “Of course not.” He gave me an apologetic glance. “I promised them a visit to Tiberium’s finest brothel, such as it is, in exchange for…” His voice trailed away.