Стяжавшая любовь. Том III

Amazingly, she never took affront at anyone as long as the insult was directed at her. Because of our sinfulness, it is typical of us ordinary humans to become affronted, to defend our positions, to try to prove that we are in the right and that one speaking against us is in the wrong, to brag, to engage in self-justification, and to look to gain some kind of benefit, some advantage. We are like the blind, from whom everything going on around us is hidden. Matushka Alipiya did not at all display such qualities. Her behavior and the manner of her mentation were profoundly outstanding. She saw the spiritual essence of events that are otherwise hidden from human sight, and in accordance with the Savior's commandment, prayed, «they know not what they do.» Accordingly, she encountered not the person standing before her, but with that spiritual being who was guilty of what had happened to the person. She did not utter words of reproach, saying, lo, you are not right, you are doing wrong, or why did you not listen to me! She was able to speak loudly and emotionally only with the enemy of mankind, whom she reproached for bringing harm upon man and God. That was true clairvoyance! In difficult situations she did not seek out help from people by using either her spiritual authority, or some earthly means. She always appealed directly to God as Father, and would receive from Him an answer and assistance. «Father» is how she addressed her prayers, and the Lord immediately responded to her daring requests.

At this time, matushka Alipiya increased her ascetic struggles even more, by wearing chains. One of the chains consisted of a multitude of large keys, also expressing an important symbolic meaning. She would pray [for release from bonds] of the souls of those entrusted to her by God, and for each one, would put on a new large key. Likewise, s on her shoulders, she wore chains consisting of an icon of the Holy Martyr Agafiya, her heavenly patron prior to her monastic tonsure, or a wooden beam. This caused her to appear somewhat hunch-backed. Sometimes, Matushka was able to carry a bucket of sand a great distance, or would bring to church large amounts of foodstuffs to be distributed to the poor after a Panikhida [requiem service for the reposed], sometimes exceeding 10 to 15 kgs in weight. The Eldress would suspend this great burden from a pole that lay across her shoulders.

The Eldress would give all of the alms she received to God. She would light large candles in all of the candlestands at church, would put money in the collection boxes or under the napkins lying on the icons, would feed her many visitors, or, as a token of thanks, would give money to people who had done work in her cell. Her little house was furnished very modestly: a stove, a bed covered with little bags, a table, and chairs, and nothing more. When a certain nun thought to herself in Matushka's cell that it might be a good idea to make some repairs, she immediately asked the nun, «Why do need this trash, dear?»

Early in the morning, about 3:00 or 4:00 AM, after her nightly kneeling vigil, the Eldress would begin her labors: she prepared food for her visitors (always knowing beforehand how many would come), went five kilometers on foot — with a heavy load on her shoulders – to catch the trolley to church. It was only after the late Liturgy that she would eat, and would feed those who were already waiting for her after church. Her visitors knew what she blessed them to do: They would first visit the grave of Ven. St. Alexey (Shepelyov) and then would come to see her. The visitors all prayed together, and sat down to eat together. The Eldress would eat but once a day, and at that, very little, but she would offer her guests food in abundance. Unbeknownst to them, the food they consumed would heal them of diseases, strengthen them spiritually, and impart the grace of the Holy Spirit, for the food had been imbued with the Eldress' prayer and blessing.