Submerged

The fact was, Jane and Ryan were disappearing from his life. What would he do when they were gone completely? Sure, he’d always remember them, always love them. He’d never forget his wife and son. But that didn’t mean he had to stay in limbo. He just wasn’t sure how to get out.

Getting out meant altering his life in ways he couldn’t even begin to imagine. Change meant risk. Risk meant possible failure. He was deathly afraid of failure. It could send him crashing back to rock bottom. He had to prevent that at all cost.

I feel so goddamned trapped.

That feeling lingered with him for the rest of his shift.

After his shift, he drove home, walked Arizona and wolfed down a roast beef sandwich with horseradish mayonnaise. Then he walked Arizona again and polished off Andrew Gross’s latest thriller. Finally, he climbed into bed and tried to sleep.

He kept thinking about the wooden box with the medical insignia on it. The one with the hypodermic needle inside and a small vial of clear liquid. Why the hell had he kept them?

Fight it, Marcus.

He focused on his breath. In… out… in… out.

“Daddy…”

Ryan stood at the foot of his bed.

Marcus swallowed. “Don’t leave me.”

“Daddy?” Ryan held out a small hand, but as Marcus reached for it, his son began to fade. “I love you, Daddy.”

“Love—”

But Ryan was already gone.

Marcus got up, walked Arizona for the third time that evening, then settled on the couch for a long night of television.

“Insomnia’s a bitch,” he muttered. He glanced at Arizona, who was already half asleep. “But what do you know about it, you lucky dog?”

Chapter Eight

Edmonton, AB – Friday, June 14, 2013 – 8:24 AM

Friday morning, Rebecca dropped the kids off at school. They were hyped up on thoughts of their trip to Auntie Kelly’s and already fighting over what they’d be doing. All Colton wanted to do was go swimming in the pool, while Ella wanted to pick wildflowers and play with the “Trips,” as everyone called the triplets.

Rebecca let out a happy sigh. “Vacation, here I come!”

She’d taken the day off to get ready for the trip. She planned to drop the kids off at Kelly and Steve’s after dinner and pick them up Monday afternoon. Then she’d have three nights in a B&B in Cadomin and two full days of relaxation.

The thought of leaving the kids made her stomach churn, but she pushed aside her fear. Her sister and brother-in-law could handle anything that came up. Besides, she really needed some alone time.

She glanced down at the checklist in her lap. Snacks for the drive. Coloring book and crayons for Ella. Gas for car. Laundry. Pack the kids’ bags. Clean kitchen and house. Charge cell phones (pack charger). House key to Heidi next door, in case of emergency. Water the plants.

She drove to the Save-On and picked up two bags of salt-and-vinegar chips, and two bottles each of green iced tea and cola. The drive to Cadomin was long, and she’d need the distractions of snacks.

Next, she stopped off at Wal-Mart and picked out a Sleeping Beauty coloring book and a large box of glitter crayons. They would keep Ella well occupied and out of Kelly’s hair, especially while the Trips were napping. It would help keep her calm too—less chance of an asthma attack.

Rebecca gasped, then scribbled PUFF! on her list. How could she forget?

The last time they’d driven a long distance and forgotten Puff, it had almost ended in tragedy. Since Wesley refused to go, she’d driven to Calgary with the kids to see her father, who was in the hospital, recuperating from a triple bypass. The surgery hadn’t gone well. The doctor stated that there were a multitude of complications. For a while it looked like her father might not make it. That thought had eaten at Rebecca for days. She and her father had unresolved issues. Being an adult child of divorce didn’t make it hurt any less.

The drive back from Calgary had started off uneventful. They were about forty minutes away when Ella started coughing in the back seat.

“Can you take care of it, Colton?”

Like usual, her son balked at the extra responsibility. “Ella knows what to do, Mom.”

“Help her.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Colton dug around in Ella’s backpack. “Puff’s not here, Mom.”

“What do you mean, Puff’s not there?”

Colton dumped the contents of the bag on the seat.

“Mommy, I can’t breathe,” Ella cried.

Rebecca’s heart raced as she signaled to pull off the busy highway. “Try to take a slow, deep breath.”

The coughing from the back seat grew hoarse. Then the wheezing started.

“Mom?” Colton said, his voice scared. “It’s not in her bag.”