Teresa, My Love: An Imagined Life of the Saint of Avila

LA MADRE, surer than ever of His Voice. Jesus was not an angel…(shrewd smile)…so far as I know! (Reading.) We are not angels either, we have a body.⁵⁵ I always go back to that.…Is that called an obsession, you psychologist over there? Laurencia and Angela under the habit of Teresa of Avila, Pablo beneath the appearance of Fr. Gratian.…(In a frankly serene voice, still reading.) Being human, it is very beneficial for us to consider God in human form, suffering because desiring, for as long as we are in this life.…(Voice breaks, blood trickles from right corner of mouth.) To desire to be angels while we are on earth — and as much on earth as I was — is foolishness. (Pause.) Ordinarily, thought needs to have some support.…(Pause.) Jesus Christ is an excellent friend, in His sacred humanity.⁵⁶ (Broad smile.)

(La Madre has finished her plea.)

TERESITA. She’s going to sleep.

ANA DE SAN BARTOLOMÉ. She has seen the Lord.

(Teresa’s visage radiates complete peace. Is there nothing left to wait for?)

LA MADRE. What’s that I hear? His Voice again? No, it’s not the same carnal timbre, the voice that guides me tentatively, caressingly, upliftingly.…(Pause.) So it’s not the Lord, not yet. Who, then? Could it be you, my little Seneca? I miss you so much! Even though we don’t agree on everything, you and I. What did you say? That you personally don’t need support? You push on to the end of the night? (In a greedy voice.) Me too, I try in my own way, in my own night…No, don’t take that for an exaggeration, Father, I pray you, in reality my words fall short because the experience is unexplainable.⁵⁷ You know that better than anyone.…It seems to be like gibberish, algarabía.⁵⁸…A taste in the mouth…I know, we never finished discussing it; we were both of us rather against it, though, weren’t we, my big Seneca? (Imploringly.) And what if that were Paradise? An adjustment of just souls? We never stopped trying to be just, did we? You less than me, perhaps, or vice versa.…(Reading.) For “the soul of a just person is nothing else but a paradise where the Lord says He finds His delight.”⁵⁹ So what happens when in addition to this, two souls strive to offer delights to the Lord.…What do you think? Speak up, won’t you, John dear? Come on, force that thin adolescent voice of yours.…(Pause.) I daresay you’ve scorched your vocal cords as well, then, today.…(Short laugh.) All I can hear is an ashen sound, I’m dying, you know. (Cheerful laugh.)

~ ~ ~

Saint John of the Cross. Spanish school, seventeenth century. Toledo, Museo de Santa Cruz. © Art Archive at Art Resource, New York.

Chapter 32. ACT 3: Her “Little Seneca”

A great fear and tumult…and in a moment…all remains calm, and this soul…has no need of any other master.

Teresa of Avila, The Interior Castle

TERESA OF AVILA, with her carers

JOHN OF THE CROSS

MOTHER MARIE

BLANCHE DE LA FORCE

THE CARMELITES OF COMPIÈGNE

BOSSUET, writer, prelate, bishop of Meaux

SYLVIA LECLERCQ, psychologist

VOICE OF LEIBNIZ

VOICE OF SPINOZA

ACT 3, SCENE 1

JOHN OF THE CROSS

TERESA OF AVILA

MOTHER MARIE

BLANCHE DE LA FORCE

THE CARMELITES OF COMPIÈGNE

The scene takes place in the ground-floor parlor of the Convent of the Incarnation in Avila. This is where, according to legend, the levitation of Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross occurred. The two future saints are seated in the very chairs concerned (today on display to the public). Instead of the bluish light of preceding scenes, a fiery glow bathes the room.

JOHN OF THE CROSS. Without support and with support,

Living without light, in darkness,

I am wholly being consumed.¹

TERESA OF AVILA, after a pause. “We belong to the party of the Crucified One.” Somos de la banda del Crucificado.² Your paternity employs the same language as I, but not with the same meaning. To you, everything is wound and oblivion; to me, everything is union and delight. Is that too perfunctory, or exaggerated?

JOHN OF THE CROSS. Surely our first care is to devote ourselves to the dark night of the senses. To detach the exterior senses and pare the natural exuberance of the appetites.³