Teresa, My Love: An Imagined Life of the Saint of Avila

The stage is empty. A huge diamond stands in place of La Madre’s body, shot through with rays of light and cascading waters that bathe the facets of cut stone and also circulate inside it. The fire that consumed Teresa’s letters to John of the Cross has left its red-gold color in the air. From time to time three shadows move through the permeable walls of the liquid jewel; one resembles the Teresa of the portrait attributed to Velázquez, another is Leibniz, and the third, Spinoza. There is also a mathematical formula, to wit:

We hear a high-pitched choir of Carmelites singing the Veni Creator, as well as the voice of Sylvia Leclercq and La Madre’s mature tones; her body has been removed. This castle without walls stands in for it. The portrait of Teresa the writer is animated, miming the stage directions and accompanying the saint’s voice.

TERESA’S VOICE. “A great gush of water could not reach us if it didn’t have a source somewhere; it is understood clearly that there is Someone in the interior depths who shoots these arrows and gives life to this life, and that there is a Sun in the interior of the soul from which a brilliant light proceeds and is sent to the faculties. The soul…does not move from that center nor is its peace lost.”⁷³ It’s true, the center exists and is at peace, and that’s why I can be so fluid…and vagabond, if I wish it.…(Subtle smile.) Who am I? “You who seeks yourself in Me,” or “Me who seeks myself in You?” Who speaks? Is Teresa I, You, or She? “We are entirely made up of bits and pieces, woven together so diversely and so shapelessly that each one of them pulls its own way at every moment.”⁷⁴ (Eyes glance right, left, close.) “These interior matters are so obscure for our minds.…Whoever reads this must have patience, for I have to have it in order to write about what I don’t know. Indeed, sometimes I take up the paper like a simpleton, for I don’t know what to say.”⁷⁵ (Wrinkles nose.)

TERESA’S VOICE, coming from the immense diamond revolving on the stage. My castle is not an accumulation of images, it’s an imaginary discourse: ask Michel de Certeau if you don’t believe me! I am indeterminate, fluid, permeable, radiating light from my center: ask Mercedes Allendesalazar.…“I want to make one or more comparisons for you.”⁷⁶ “Turn your eyes toward the center, which is the room or royal chamber where the King stays, and think of how a palmetto has many leaves surrounding and covering the tasty part that can be eaten.…The sun that is in this royal chamber shines in all parts. It is very important for any soul that practices prayer, whether little or much, not to hold itself back and stay in one corner. Let it walk through these dwelling places which are up above, down below, and to the sides, since God has given it such great dignity. Don’t force it to stay a long time in one room alone. Oh, but if it is in the room of self-knowledge!⁷⁷ (Momentarily short of breath, coughing.) “God help me with what I have undertaken!..Let’s consider…two founts with two water troughs.…I am so fond of this element.…With one the water comes from far away through many aqueducts…with the other the source of the water is right there.…The water coming from the aqueducts is comparable, in my opinion, to the consolations drawn from meditation…thoughts…tiring the intellect.…With this other fount, the water comes from its own source which is God…with the greatest peace and quiet and sweetness in the very interior part of ourselves.…This water overflows through all the dwelling places and faculties until reaching the body. That is why I said that it begins in God and ends in ourselves.…The whole exterior man enjoys this spiritual delight and sweetness.”⁷⁸

(After trying in vain to help her drink, Teresita refreshes Teresa’s face with a moist cloth.)

SYLVIA LECLERCQ’S VOICE. “Transumanar,” why, she talks like Dante:

“To represent transhumanise in words

Impossible were; the example, then, suffice

Him for whom Grace the experience reserves.”⁷⁹