Thank You for Smoking

first voice: Yes I got it silenced. Will you — Jesus. What am I, a fucking amateur?

second voice: We'll be there before you know.

first voice: Who is Team A, anyway?

second voice: Some guy in Washington.

first voice: Washington? Yeah? Is this one of those government sub-

contracts? This guy in the back important?

second voice: Not anymore. Laughter.

first voice: So, who's Team A?

second voice: Some lobbyist.

first voice: Lobbyist? What's that?

second voice: An asshole with an expense account.

first voice: Yeah, well, you want my honest opinion about Washington? They're all assholes. I'm getting sick of this shit. Couple more of these and I'm out. I'm going to start a restaurant.

second voice: You'll poison them to death instead of shooting them?

first voice: No, I'm serious.

second voice: I'll make a reservation. They'd left in a few moments of silence.

first voice: So is that why we're called "Team C"? Cause he's "Team A"?

second voice: I guess so. It's a code. People in Washington like codes.

first voice: Team C sounds like my kid's fruit drink. Why couldn't we be the Sons of Thunder?

second voice: Okay, we're the Sons of Thunder. I think the turnoff

is somewhere up—

first voice: Look out for the truck!!!

Polly had been practicing bootleg turns all week. With the speedometer at just under forty, she turned the wheel slightly to the left and at the same time stepped down hard on the parking brake, whose locking mechanism had been disabled. The van spun 180 degrees. As it did, Peter Lorre was hurtled back through the rear doors, which had been loosely shut with a piece of duct tape. Out he went onto the deserted country road, landing with a thump.

The next snatch of dialogue was loudly amplified.

first voice: Never mind him! Get the fuck out of here! Move it! Off they sped.

"Did you hear that sound he made when he landed?" Nick said gleefully.

"Sounded squishy," Bobby Jay said.

"Do you think we killed him?" Polly asked. Nick was looking back through binoculars. Peter Lorre was rolling himself over to the shoulder of the road. "Nope. Almost a shame." "He's going to be sore tomorrow." "I need a drink," Polly said. "You know what I want?" Nick said. "What's that?" "A cigarette."

New Head of Tobacco Lobby Is Found Dead of Smoke Inhalation at Home of Associate

Friends Say Rohrabacher Was "a Health Nut" and a Non-smoker Jeannette Dantine, ATS Exec VP, Is Sought by Police for Questioning

BY HEATHER HOLLOWAY WASHINGTON SUN STAFF WRITER

Epilogue

Good evening, I'm Larry King. Our guest tonight, Nick Naylor, who has been here before on several occasions, but tonight is not going to tell us that there is no link between smoking and lung cancer. Right?"

"That's right, Larry."

"This book you've written, Thank You for Smoking. Curious title. What does it mean?"

"It's meant to be ironic, Larry. Though my former employers, the tobacco lobby, for whom I used to lie on shows like this, actually have signs printed that say that."

"This book you've written is very controversial. It's got a lot of people angry."

"Yes it has, Larry."

"Let's run down the list. Jeff Megall, head of the most powerful talent agency in Hollywood. He's called it 'Beneath comment.' "

"I'll take it as a compliment, Larry. As you may know, his former executive assistant, Jack Bein, has bought the movie rights to the book. He and Jeff had a falling out."

"Senator Ortolan K. Finisterre, very powerful man here in Washington, says that you wrote the book to quote clear your troubled conscience unquote."

"Actually, Larry, it was prison that pretty much cleared my conscience."

"So why the book?"

"Money, Larry. I wrote the book for money."

"That's refreshing to hear."

"My wife, Polly, and I are expecting a child and, well, you know, tuition and all. "

"Congratulations. What about your other 'Mod Squad' friend— that stands for 'Merchant of Death,' right?"

"Right."

"Tell us what's become of Bobby Jay Bliss, the former gun lobby spokesman?"

"He's very big in the Christian Prison Fellowship organization. You know, the organization founded by Chuck Colson. He's happy. Still shoots. We see him. Of course, we don't call ourselves that anymore, since we now recognize the wickedness of our former ways."

"And Polly, does she work?"

"Yes, since becoming pregnant, she's gotten very interested in prenatal health issues. She's with the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Foundation here in Washington. Fasfuff."

"You say in the book, which by the way, I recommend to our viewers, a very good book—"

"Thank you, Larry."

"— that you pleaded guilty even though you didn't kidnap yourself and cover yourself with nicotine patches. Question — Why?"