The adulteress

"When Dorinda came back that evening she was in a bad mood and it was then that I had the first real glimpse of the violence in her nature. She abused me in a loud and hectoring manner. Then she threw a statuette at me. It missed and went into a mirror. I can still hear the sound of cracking glass as the splinters fell over the carpet. Then she picked up a paper knife and came at me. It was not a sharp weapon but there was murder in her eyes. She could have killed me. I was stronger than she was and managed to get the weapon away. She collapsed suddenly and I gave her a sedative.

"I was so disturbed that I went to a cousin of hers—her nearest relation—and he told me that I would have to take care. Her mother had had to be, as he said, 'put away.' There was madness in the family. Her grandmother had committed murder. There was a long tradition of insanity which seemed to be passed down through the women. They had hoped Dorinda had escaped because the violence had not begun to show in her until she came into her teens and then the attacks were not frequent. They had thought marriage would cure her.

"I said: 'Why did no one warn me?'

"The cousin was silent. I think they had wanted someone to take the responsibility from them. Dorinda had a large fortune and I think they believed that that would be the compensation.

"You can imagine my feelings. I had already begun to know that my marriage was a great mistake. What I had felt for Dorinda was infatuation and I was not experienced enough to recognize it for what it was. And now to learn that I was married to a mad woman was the greatest blow imaginable.

" 'You are a doctor,' the cousin had said. 'We had thought that marriage with you was the very best thing that could happen to Dorinda. We thought you would be able to treat her and she would be under your constant supervision.'

"I cannot tell you the terrible depression I suffered at that time. I saw myself as a prisoner bound to this woman .. . this mad woman ... for the rest of my life. Then I was presented with the most fearful dilemma. Dorinda was going to have a child. I pondered this; I spent sleepless nights asking myself what I should do. If Dorinda bore a girl that baby would be tainted ... doomed to madness if the pattern persisted as it had for generations.

"I was a doctor. I had it in my power to terminate Dorinda's pregnancy. I wrestled with myself. It was in a way taking a life, but surely that was better than allowing some maimed creature to come into the world. What was I to do? I had means at my disposal. I knew how... . The right dose of a certain medicine and the chances were that I could bring about a miscarriage.

"Well, I made the choice. I terminated the pregnancy .. . but I must have made a mistake for, at the same time, I terminated Dorinda's life.

"That's my story, Zipporah. I can never forget it. I could not let that child live. And yet ... has anyone the right to take a life? I thought at the time I was doing what was best ... what was right. I did not know that there would be complications ... that Dorinda was not fit to bear children. ... I tell myself that had the child been allowed to be born in the normal way its birth would very likely have killed Dorinda. I don't know. All I do know is that the child died, that Dorinda died and that there was a scandal concerning her death."

"Oh, Charles, how you must have suffered! But you did right. I am sure you did right."

"You see, she had this large fortune ... and it came to me. It was well known that Dorinda and I were not on good terms. Everyone understood that. So many of them knew of Dorinda's strange behavior. There was sympathy for me ... oh yes, I had that ... but the smear was there. Dorinda was dead. I was a widower ... a very rich widower whose worldly possessions were far greater than that of the needy bachelor who had married Dorinda."

We were silent for a while. I was seeing so clearly the people who would whisper about him; the horrible suspicion that surrounded him and most terrible of all the fact that he had brought about Dorinda's death.