The adulteress

To the river! On such a day! For what purpose? Perhaps for a walk. It could only be that.

I kept a good distance between us because I knew that she must not be aware of me. I had to find out where she was going. Perhaps she was meeting James. If so I would discreetly disappear and leave them together. But why should she walk so far to see James when she could see him in the house or near it.

Now I could smell the river and I heard the faint murmur of the water as it lapped the bank.

I watched her. And then suddenly I knew. She let her cloak drop from her shoulder and started to walk toward the water.

"Hetty!" I screamed. "Hetty!"

She stopped and looked round.

I ran to her. I seized her arm and looked into her face. It was white and her eyes were large pools of despair.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

She stammered: "It's all right. I was only looking at the river."

"No, Hetty, not that. You were doing something. You must tell me. You must let me help."

"There is no way out," she said simply, "but this. Let me go"

"You mean ... you were going to walk out into the river .. . and not come back!"

"I've thought a lot about it," she answered. "It is hard to do ... but I can do it... ."

"What is it, Hetty? You can tell me. There must be a way out of your trouble. We'll find it. I promise you. You mustn't talk like this. It's wrong ... it's foolish ... nothing is so bad that something can't be done about it."

"Nothing can be done about this. I can't face them, Mistress Zipporah. This is the way. I've thought and thought and can see no other."

"Sit down. Tell me all about it."

"I'm wicked," she said. "You could never understand how wicked."

"I can understand. All of us do wrong at times. We fall into temptation. Please tell me, Hetty."

"I'm going to have a baby," she said.

"Oh. Well, James loves you. He'll understand... ."

She shook her head and stared blankly in front of her. "It's not James's," she said.

"Hetty."

"Yes, you see. It's shocking, it's awful. There is no way out ... but this. I can't face them, any of them. I don't know how it happened ... I can't understand. Yet I can't make excuses ... it was my fault."

"I thought you loved James."

"I do."

"Then ..."

"You wouldn't understand. How could you? Nobody could who was not ... depraved I suppose as I am."

"I'm not so good, Hetty, that I can't understand how these things happen."

We sat down on the river bank and she turned to me. "It was on the night of the Harvest Home. I had drunk too much punch. ... I know it now but I didn't at the time. Oh, I'm making excuses."

"Please go on," I said. "Who ... ?"

But she didn't have to tell me. Because I knew. I remembered that look of implacable hatred I had seen across the room. Oh, he was a fiend. This was his revenge on James.

"Dickon?" I said.

She started to shiver and I knew I was right.

"It was the Harvest Home ... the punch ... the dancing... . He danced with me ... and we went out into the gardens ... into the shrubbery. I don't know how it happened... . But I was there ... lying on the grass ... I can't tell you. It was too depraved ... I didn't seem to realize until it was too late... ."

I turned away. I could not bear her misery. So this was his revenge.

She was desperate, poor girl. I had to comfort her. I was going to take her back with me, talk over the matter with Jean-Louis. He would understand and try to help.

I said: "There is a way out."

"There is no way," she said. "I cannot face anyone now... . My father, my mother, my brothers and sisters ... and James... . No, I have thought and thought and this is the only way."

"You must not talk like that. It's nonsense. It's feeble. At the worst you could go away and have the baby. My husband and I would help you."

"You are the kindest people in the world."

"We shall understand. This is the sort of thing that can happen ... to anybody ... to anybody," I added vehemently. "I am going to help you, Hetty."

"There is no help. I could drown myself ... and perhaps my body would never be found."

"I should have thought you would not want to take such a cowardly way out."

"Perhaps I am a coward, but I just cannot face my parents. They thought too much of me. They would be so horrified ... so ashamed... ."

"My dear Hetty, this happened... . You had had too much punch ... you did not know... ."

"There were other times," she said.

"Hetty. But why ... ?"

"Because he said he would tell if I did not."

"Blackmail!" I said aghast. I could see him so well—that handsome, cruel face. What havoc he had wrought in our lives.

"When he knew that I was pregnant he let me alone. He seemed ... satisfied."

"He is a monster, Hetty. He hates in a cold and calculating manner which is by far the worst sort of hatred. But we're going to outwit him. We're not going to let him win."

"How?" she asked.

"By not running away from this, by facing it, by looking at it and finding the way to act."

"I can't do it."

"You can because I'm going to help you. Will you let me?"