The adulteress

But I had succeeded in alarming them.

"Sabrina," I said, "you did mention that you might pay a visit to Bath to see the new springs they had discovered there."

"Yes."

"Please, Sabrina, go there ... and take Dickon with you. Please. He won't need any persuading. He loves to travel. Jean-Louis, I am right, aren't I?"

"Zipporah is right," said Jean-Louis. "She has Hetty now under her care. The poor girl was going to kill herself."

"Oh no!" murmured my mother.

"Does James know?" asked Sabrina.

"Yes, but he doesn't know who seduced her ... raped might be a better word."

"No!"

"Oh, please, this is not a time to pick and choose our words to make them sound nicer. Jean-Louis knows what happened. He has seen James with me. Dickon is old for his years. He is capable of fathering a child; I think he's in danger. Do get him away!"

My mother was trembling. She said: "Yes, Sabrina, we must. I know it's not really true but if he is suspected."

They knew in their hearts that it was true. Perhaps they knew too that he had used Hetty to take his revenge on James.

Sabrina said: "I could leave in two days. I know he wants to come with me."

"Two days," I said. "But not longer, please. James mustn't know until you are out of the way."

Jean-Louis and I went home feeling exhausted. Hetty was still sleeping peacefully. I should be with her when she awoke; and I was going to keep my eyes on her for a while.

We did not see James. He was grappling with himself, I imagined. I was glad because I wanted Dickon out of the way before we met just in case we should let the truth escape.

Two days later I went over to Clavering Hall. Sabrina and Dickon had left for Bath. They planned to be away for two weeks.

I felt immensely relieved; and so did Jean-Louis.

Poor Hetty looked like a wraith. I told the servants that she had been very ill and I kept her alone in her room. I was with her a great deal. Sometimes she would not speak for a long time and when she did the confidences poured out. Dickon had terrified her. She had seen him assessing her even before the Harvest Home. She did not know how she could have let herself be taken into the shrubbery. She had been mildly enjoying the Harvest Home but regretting James's absence when he had come up with the punch and forced it on her. Then he brought more for her. She had refused it and he had said "Don't be a simple country girl," or something like that, and foolishly she had taken the punch. She had been dizzy and he had said the fresh air would do her good and had taken her out. Then they were in the shrubbery and she grew more and more dizzy and could not stand up. Then ... it happened.

"Oh, I was such a fool," she cried. "I should have known. I thought I was wiser than the country girls ... but I was not. And then he said that he would tell Lady Clavering that I had asked him to take me to the shrubbery... . She would have believed him. He said he would let everyone know what I was like. 'Anybody's for the asking,' he said. Those were his words. And so I must go with him again. It was only when I told him that I was with child that he left me alone... ."

"There is evil in him," I said. "But it's over. Nothing can alter what is done. We have to go on from there."

"What can I do?"

"My husband and I will arrange something. We'll send you away from here. You can have the baby quietly ... and then we'll think again."

"I don't know what I should do without you."

I said: "Something will be arranged. You have to think of the child. All this grieving is bad for it. You will love it when it comes. People always do."

"But a child conceived in such a way," she said. "His child."

"The child will be innocent enough. But, Hetty, you must stop all this wild fretting. I tell you we will take care of you."

She fell into weeping then and she said such things of me which made me ashamed. She would not believe that I was not a saint from heaven, and she brought home to me the extent of my own deceit and it was all fresh in my mind again.

James came over. I saw him arrive and ran to meet him.

"I can't stay forever," he said. "Where's Hetty?"

"She's here. Poor girl, she's in a sad way. I worry about her a good deal."

"Thank you for taking care of her ... you and Jean-Louis."

"Of course we will take care of her."

"You know who it was, don't you?"

I nodded.

"Please tell me, Zipporah."

"James, I'm fond of you. We're both fond of you ... and of Hetty. This is terrible. Please, please don't make it worse. Hetty needs care, tenderness ... she's bruised and wounded. Don't you understand?"

"I do ... and I want to take care of her."

"Oh, James ... that makes me so happy."

"Bless you, Zipporah. I've grappled with myself. I was planning to marry Hetty."

"I know. You love each other."

"How could she ... ?"

"She couldn't help it, James. She was half intoxicated ... she couldn't hold him off. He overpowered her."

"Who ... who ... ?"

I said: "It was Dickon."

I saw his teeth clench and his face whiten. I was so thankful that Dickon was far away.