The Black Tide

He stood there a moment longer, pointedly surveying the stone-walled room and the junk furniture. Then he turned and zipped up his fleece-lined jacket. I opened the door for him and as he was going out he paused, looking down at me. ‘You’re not a company man any longer. You want a berth, you got to go out into the market and face all the other ships’ officers that’s out of a job.’ His little eyes were cold, his lips a hard line. ‘I’m warning you, Rodin, you’ll find the going rough. A VLCC — you never had anything like that. It’s the chance of a lifetime for a man like you.’ He stood there a moment longer, staring down at me as though to check that his words had sunk in. Then he nodded. ‘Okay. It’s your loss. But if you change your mind, ring me before I leave for France.’

He left then and I stood there, watching him as he

climbed the path, leaning his body into it, and thinking how odd it was, the power of the media. First the publishers, conjured out of the blue because of the publicity, and now Baldwick, appearing like some evil genie and talking of pollution as though oil slicks could be eliminated by rubbing a few gold coins together.

I went back into the cottage, to another night of loneliness with only the memory of Karen for company. The next day I had a service for her in the local church.

There was still nothing to bury. Nothing had been found of her, nothing at all, so it was just a sort of memorial service to a girl who had immolated herself in protest against oil pollution. Most people seemed to regard it as a futile gesture, but they were kind and they turned up in force. The environmentalists made a bit of a demo out of it, the local press were there and two BBC men from Bristol. The little church was packed and it was raining.

The service was very moving, I think because of all the people and the strength of feeling that reached out to me. And afterwards, when one of the reporters started questioning me about her motives, I was in such an emotional state that I just let my feelings rip, telling him I’d get the bastard who put the Petros Jupiter on the rocks, killing Karen, killing the birds, ruining our bit of Cornwall. ‘If the government won’t stop it, I will.’ There was a camera running, everybody staring, and when somebody asked me if I meant to take on the oil companies I answered him, ‘No, the ship owners — the tanker owners — the bastards that

switch names, companies, ownership — the whole stinking, sodding mess of corrupt tanker dealing…’ Somebody pulled me away then, Andy I think. I was in tears, coming out of the church, straight from the service. And that night they had a brief flash of that interview on Nationwide. I watched it in the lounge of a Penzance hotel over a farewell drink with the Kerrisons, shocked as much by the haggard look of my face, and the tears streaming down it, as by the violence of my words. Then they drove me to the station and I caught the night train to London.

It was five days since it had happened, five miserable days alone at the cottage. On the Saturday, when I had seen the estate agents in Penzance, I had told them they could deal with the contents when they liked, but to leave the cottage until the spring, when the evenings would be drawing out and the daffodils in bloom in the sheltered patch behind the elephant rock. It would sell better then. But though it wouldn’t be on the market immediately, the mere fact of having arranged to sell it had had the effect of making me feel an interloper, the place we had striven for and loved so much suddenly no longer part of my life. It added to the bitterness of my departure as the wheels rattled me eastwards through the night.

I hadn’t bothered about a sleeper. I sat up all the way, dozing fitfully, thinking about the Petros Jupiter and what I’d do to that dirty little Greek when I caught up with him. It was either that or start thinking about Karen, and I couldn’t face that, not any more. Not after that service. I felt drained, too nervously

exhausted to plan ahead. I didn’t even think about the letter from the publishers. That meant thinking constructively, about my writing, about the future. I didn’t want to think about the future. I didn’t want to face up to a future alone. And so I sat there, my mind drifting on the edge of consciousness, nerves taut and the wheels hammering the name Speridion into my tired brain. Aristides Speridion. Aristides Speridion.

Dawn broke, cold and grey, the wind blowing out of the north, a curtain of sleet beginning to whiten the roofs of the buildings backed on to the railway. It was much too early to ring the solicitors when we pulled into Paddington, so I took the Circle Line to Liverpool Street, checked my two cases into a lock-up and just had time to buy some papers before catching the next train for Colchester.