The Brothers Karamazov

“Even if everyone is like that?” “Yes, even if everyone is like that. You be the only one who is not like that. And in fact you’re not like everyone else: you weren’t ashamed just now to confess bad and even ridiculous things about yourself. Who would confess such things nowadays? No one, and people have even stopped feeling any need for self-judgment. So do not be like everyone else; even if you are the only one left who is not like that, still do not be like that.”

“Splendid! I was not mistaken in you. You know how to give comfort. Oh, how I’ve yearned for you, Karamazov, how long I’ve been seeking to meet you! Can it be that you also thought about me? You said just now that you were thinking about me?”

“Yes, I had heard about you and also thought about you ... and if it’s partly vanity that makes you ask, it doesn’t matter.”

“You know, Karamazov, our talk is something like a declaration of love,” Kolya said in a sort of limp and bashful voice. “That’s not ridiculous, is it?”

“Not ridiculous at all, and even if it were ridiculous, it still wouldn’t matter, because it’s good,” Alyosha smiled brightly.

“And you know, Karamazov, you must admit that you yourself feel a little ashamed with me now ... I can see it in your eyes,” Kolya smiled somehow slyly, but also with almost a sort of happiness.

“Ashamed of what?”

“Why did you blush, then?”

“But it was you who made me blush!” Alyosha laughed, and indeed blushed all over. “Well, yes, a little ashamed, God knows why, I don’t know ... ,” he muttered, even almost embarrassed.

“Oh, how I love you and value you right now, precisely because you, too, are ashamed of something with me! Because you’re just like me!” Kolya exclaimed, decidedly in ecstasy. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes shining.

“Listen, Kolya, by the way, you are going to be a very unhappy man in your life,” Alyosha suddenly said for some reason.

“I know, I know. How do you know all that beforehand!” Kolya confirmed at once.

“But on the whole you will bless life all the same.”

“Precisely! Hurrah! You’re a prophet. Oh, we will become close, Karamazov. You know, what delights me most of all is that you treat me absolutely as an equal. And we’re not equal, no, not equal, you are higher! But we will become close. You know, all this past month I’ve been saying to myself: He and I will either become close friends at once and forever, or from the first we’ll part as mortal enemies! ‘“

“And surely you already loved me as you said it!” Alyosha was laughing happily. “I did, I loved you terribly, I loved you, and I was dreaming about you! But how do you know everything beforehand? Hah, here’s the doctor. Lord, what’s he going to say? Look at his face!”

Chapter 7: Ilyusha

The doctor was just coming out of the room, already wrapped up in his fur coat and with his hat on his head. His face was almost angry and squeamish, as if he were afraid of dirtying himself on something. He gave a cursory look around the entryway and glanced sternly at Alyosha and Kolya. Alyosha waved to the coachman from the doorway, and the carriage that had brought the doctor drove up to the front door. The captain rushed out after the doctor and, bending low, almost writhing before him, stopped him to get his final word. The poor man looked completely crushed, his eyes were frightened.

“Your Excellency, your Excellency ... can it be ... ?” he began, and could not finish, but simply clasped his hands in despair, though still making a last plea to the doctor with his eyes, as if a word from the doctor now might indeed change the poor boy’s sentence.

“What can I do? I am not God,” the doctor replied in a casual, though habitually imposing, voice.

“Doctor ... your Excellency ... and will it be soon, soon?”

“Be pre-pared for any-thing,” the doctor pronounced, emphasizing each syllable, and, lowering his eyes, he himself prepared to step across the threshold to the carriage.

“Your Excellency, for Christ’s sake!” the captain, frightened, stopped him again. “Your Excellency! ... isn’t there anything, can it be that nothing, nothing at all can save ... ?”

“It no longer de-pends on me,” the doctor spoke impatiently, “but, however, hmm,” he suddenly paused, “if you could, for example ... con-vey ... your patient ... at once and without the least delay”(the doctor uttered the words “at once and without the least delay” not so much sternly as almost angrily, so that the captain was even startled) “to Sy-ra-cuse, then ... as a result of the new, fa-vor-able cli-ma-tic conditions ... there might, perhaps, be...”

“To Syracuse!” the captain cried, as if he still understood nothing. “Syracuse—it’s in Sicily,” Kolya suddenly snapped loudly, by way of explanation. The doctor looked at him.

“To Sicily! Good Lord, your Excellency,” the captain was at a loss. “But haven’t you seen?” he pointed to his surroundings with both hands. “And mama, and the family?”