The Brothers Karamazov

“He doesn’t despise anyone,” Alyosha went on, “he simply doesn’t believe anyone. And since he doesn’t believe them, he also, of course, despises them.” “That means me, too? Me?”

“You, too.”

“That’s good,” Liza somehow rasped. “When he walked out laughing, I felt it was good to be despised. The boy with his fingers cut off is good, and to be despised is good...”

And she laughed in Alyosha’s face, somehow wickedly and feverishly.

“You know, Alyosha, you know, I’d like to. . . Alyosha, save me!” she suddenly jumped up from the couch, rushed to him, and held him tightly in her arms. “Save me,” she almost groaned. “Would I tell anyone in the world what I told you? But I told you the truth, the truth, the truth! I’ll kill myself, because everything is so loathsome to me! I don’t want to live, because everything is so loathsome to me. Everything is so loathsome, so loathsome! Alyosha, why, why don’t you love me at all!” she finished in a frenzy.

“No, I do love you!” Alyosha answered ardently.

“And will you weep for me? Will you?”

“I will.”

“Not because I didn’t want to be your wife, but just weep for me, just so?”

“I will.”

“Thank you! I need only your tears. And as for all the rest, let them punish me and trample me with their feet, all, all of them, without any exception! Because I don’t love anyone. Do you hear, not a-ny-one! On the contrary, I hate them! Go, Alyosha, it’s time you went to your brother!” she suddenly tore herself away from him.

“But how can I leave you like this?” Alyosha said, almost afraid.

“Go to your brother, they’ll shut the prison, go, here’s your hat! Kiss Mitya for me, go, go!”

And she pushed Alyosha out the door almost by force. He looked at her with rueful perplexity, when suddenly he felt a letter in his right hand, a small letter, tightly folded and sealed. He looked and at once read the address: “To Ivan Fyodorovich Karamazov.” He glanced quickly at Liza. Her face became almost menacing,

“Give it to him, be sure to give it to him!” she ordered frenziedly, shaking all over, “today, at once! Otherwise I will poison myself! That’s why I sent for you!”

And she quickly slammed the door. The lock clicked. Alyosha put the letter in his pocket and went straight to the stairs without stopping to see Madame Khokhlakov, having even forgotten about her. And Liza, as soon as Alyosha was gone, unlocked the door at once, opened it a little, put her finger into the chink, and, slamming the door, crushed it with all her might. Ten seconds later, having released her hand, she went quietly and slowly to her chair, sat straight up in it, and began looking intently at her blackened finger and the blood oozing from under the nail. Her lips trembled, and she whispered very quickly to herself:

“Mean, mean, mean, mean!”

Chapter 4: A Hymn and a Secret