The Complete Yes Minister

I said as much to Humphrey. Frank said, ‘There. Who’s running the country now?’ I felt his glee was a little juvenile, but quite understandable.

Sir Humphrey seemed even more worried. I asked him for his advice, which was totally predictable. ‘I think it might be regrettable if we upset the Americans.’

Predictable, and laughable. I pointed out to Humphrey, in no uncertain terms, that it is high time that someone jolted the Americans out of their commercial complacency. We should be thinking about the British poor, not the American rich!

Humphrey said, ‘Minister, if that is your express wish the Department will back you. Up to the hilt.’ This was very loyal. One must give credit where it’s due.

I said that indeed it was my express wish. Bernard then said he would circulate the speech, as soon as it was written, for clearance.

This is new to me. I’ve never heard of ‘clearance’. More bureaucracy and pointless paperwork. This matter has nothing to do with any other department. And if another department disagrees, they can say so publicly. That’s what Open Government is all about.

Humphrey pleaded with me to circulate the speech, if only for information. At first I opposed this, but he argued – quite convincingly, I thought – that Open Government demands that we should inform our colleagues in government as well as our friends in Fleet Street.

My final word to Humphrey, as the meeting concluded, was to see that the speech went straight to the press.

‘Minister,’ he said, ‘we shall obviously serve your best interests.’

A notable victory by Frank and me, in the cause of Open Government.

[A typescript of Hacker’s speech has been found in the files of the DAA. It is annotated with suggestions by Frank Weisel and Bernard Woolley, with comments from Hacker – Ed.]

November 9th

Today was disastrous. There have been some quite astounding turns of events.

My speech was completed. I was sitting in the office reading the press release when Bernard burst in with a minute from the PM’s private office.

I have learned, by the way, that minutes, memos and submissions are all the same thing. Except that ministers send minutes to civil servants and to each other, whereas civil servants send memos and minutes to each other but submissions to ministers.

[This is because a minute takes or orders action whereas a memo presents the background arguments, the pros and cons. Therefore, civil servants may send either to each other, as may politicians – but as a civil servant may not tell a Minister what to do he sends a submission, the very word designed to express an attitude of humility and respect. Minutes may, of course, also be notes about official meetings, and this meaning gives rise to the well-known Civil Service axiom that meetings are where civil servants take minutes but politicians take hours – Ed.]

Anyway, the minute made it clear that we were all to be very nice to the Yanks for the next few weeks. I realised that my speech, which had gone out to the press, could not have been timed worse.

I was appalled. Not only by my bad luck. But I find it incredible that I, as a member of the Cabinet, should have no knowledge of forthcoming defence agreements with the Americans. Whatever has happened to the doctrine of collective responsibility that I learned about at the LSE?

Sir Humphrey then hurried in to my office, looking slightly panicky.

‘Sorry to burst in, Minister, but all hell’s broken loose at Number Ten – apparently they’ve just seen your speech. They are asking why we didn’t obtain clearance.’

‘What did you say?’ I asked.

‘I said that we believe in Open Government. But it seemed to make things worse. The PM wants to see you in the House, right away.’

I realised that this could be the end for me. I asked Humphrey what was likely to happen. Sir Humphrey shrugged.

‘The Prime Minister giveth – and the Prime Minister taketh away.’

I left the room feeling sick. As I started down the corridor I thought I heard Sir Humphrey add: ‘Blessed be the name of the Prime Minister.’ But I think I must have imagined that.