The Constant Gardener

"Well, I'm sure Justin would like me to write to him," she conceded awkwardly. "But I'll only do that if I can tell him things that will put his mind to rest, if that's possible. I mean I wouldn't tell him anything that was going to hurt him," she protested, losing her direction. "I mean Justin knows that Tessa and Arnold were traveling together. The whole world knows by now. Whatever was between them, he's reconciled to that."

"Oh, there was nothing between those two, darling, believe me," Sarah said with an easy laugh. "That was all newspaper talk. There was just no way. I know that for a fact.

Hi, Abby, how you doing, darling? That's my sister Abby. She's had more than many. She's been married almost four times."

The significance of both statements, if there was any, passed Ghita by. She was too busy shoring up what sounded increasingly like a silly lie. "Justin wants to fill in the blanks," she struggled on bravely. "Get the details shipshape in his mind. So that he can piece together everything she did and thought about in her last few days. I mean, obviously — if you told me something that was going to be, well, painful to him — I wouldn't dream of passing it on. Obviously."

"Shipshape," Sarah repeated, and shook her head again, smiling to herself. "That's why I always loved the English language. "Shipshape" is a right word for that good lady. Now what do you think they did when they were up here, darling? Spooning around like honeymooners? That wasn't their way at all."

"Attending the gender workshop, obviously. Did you attend it yourself? You were probably running it or something grand. I never asked you what you do here. I should know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, darling. You're not sorry. You're just a little bit at sea. Not quite shipshape yet." She laughed. "Yes, well, now I remember. I did attend that workshop. Maybe I led it too. We take it in turns. It was a good group, I remember that. Two bright tribeswomen from Dhiak, a medical widow woman from Aweil, a bit pompous but receptive despite her pomposity, and a couple of paralegals from I don't know. That was a good team, I'll say that straight. But what those women will do when they get home again to Sudan, that you can never tell. You can scratch your head and you can wonder as much as you will."

"Maybe Tessa related to the paralegals," Ghita put in hopefully.

"Maybe she did, dear. But a lot of those women never rode in an aeroplane before. A lot of them get sick and scared, so we're obliged to cheer them up before they'll talk and listen, which is what they're brought here to do. Some of them get so afraid they never talk to anyone at all, just want to go home to their indignities. Never get into this business if you're afraid of failure, darling, I tell people. Count your successes is Sudan Sarah's advice and don't even think about the occasions when you failed. D'you still want to ask me about that workshop?"

Ghita's confusion increased. "Well, did she shine at it? Did she enjoy it?"

"Now I don't know about that, darling, do I?"

"There must be something you remember that she did or said. Nobody forgets Tessa for long." She sounded rude to herself, and didn't mean to. "Or Arnold."

"Well, I won't say she did contribute to that discussion, dear, because she didn't. Tessa did not contribute to that discussion. I can say that with certainty."

"Did Arnold?"

"No."

"Not even read a paper or anything?"

"Nothing at all, darling. Neither of them."

"You mean they just sat there, silent? Both of them? It's not like Tessa to keep quiet. Nor Arnold for that matter. How long did the course last?"

"Five days. But Tessa and Arnold didn't stay in Loki five days. Not many people do. Everyone who comes here likes to feel they're going somewhere else. Tessa and Arnold were no different from the rest." She paused and examined Ghita, as if measuring her suitability for something. "Do you know what I'm saying, darling?"

"No. I'm afraid I don't."

"Maybe it's what I'm not saying that you know."

"I don't know that either."

"Well, what the hell are you up to then?"

"I'm trying to find out what they did. Arnold and Tessa. In their last few days. Justin wrote and asked me to particularly."

"You got his letter with you then, by any chance, dear?"

Ghita produced it with a trembling hand from a new shoulder bag she'd bought for the trip. Sarah took it into the tukul to read it by the overhead light bulb, then stood by herself before returning to the veranda and sitting herself down in her chair with an air of considerable moral confusion.

"You going to tell me something, dear?"

"If I can."

"Did Tessa tell you with her own sweet mouth that she and Arnold were coming up to Loki for a gender workshop?"

"It's what they told all of us."

"And you believed her?"

"Yes, I did. All of us did. Justin did. We still do."