The Eye of Zoltar

‘That put me in a quandary,’ said Addie, ‘for it would be a treble failure. I would still have to kill the bandits as threatened, the Silurians and the Oldivicians would go to war, and the trophy in the argument – Perkins – would be lost too. There were no winners. So I did something I’ve never done before. I told them that I would not be killing them as there was no good reason for it, and that I would lose my honour in order to keep the peace between our two tribes.’

‘I’m getting really confused over this whole honour thing,’ I said. ‘Isn’t a willingness to die and to kill for an abstract concept of dubious relevance a bit daft?’

‘I’d be the first to admit that it is,’ said Addie. ‘Honour is kind of what you get when you weaponise manners, but if you’re brought up in a system where honour is valued more than life itself it makes a lot more sense. Some. A bit. Anyway: they attacked me as they were honour bound to do, and I defended myself as I was bound to do, but killed them in self-defence. I think it was what Gareth had planned. He had dishonoured himself by kidnapping Perkins in the first place and causing our tribes to fall out, then been the cause of me dishonouring myself, which then brought dishonour upon himself. By attacking me, he allowed me to restore my lost honour by killing him, and, odd as it might seem, his honour as well. He died with honour, and I thank and respect him for it. We didn’t leave them to the slugs at all, and instead buried them with tribal honours, which is why we were kind of delayed. The ground was hard and we had to ride for miles to find a shovel.’

‘I’m totally lost,’ I said.

‘Me too,’ said Wilson.

‘And me,’ said Perkins, ‘and I was actually there witnessing it.’

‘Okay,’ I said, ‘what happened then?’

‘We got to the pod poles long after you had left, found your note and followed your trail as far as the Hotax-attacked Range Rover. By that time is was late afternoon, so, we decided to find a hotel in Llanidloes.’

‘So the plan is now …?’ I asked.

‘Same as before, pretty much,’ said Addie. ‘We’ll head into Llangurig and see if we can retrieve your handmaiden, the half-track and get some payback on that idiot Curtis.’

‘And then?’

‘See what Able Quizzler has to say for himself, I guess – and take it from there.’

This seemed the best plan, and after Addie had instructed her Buzonji to head on home, she led us towards a path that led downhill.

‘Any news from home?’ asked Perkins. I showed him the latest note from the homing snail, and watched his reaction to the part that read ‘all other considerations secondary’. I saw a look of consternation cross his face, but it was soon gone.

‘They’re keen to keep the Princess safe,’ he said, ‘and the Eye is still our number-one priority.’

‘Maybe so,’ I said, ‘but if Able Quizzler hasn’t any information about the Eye of Zoltar, I’m pulling the plug. We’ve lost two people already, and hunting Leviathans and a legendary pirate across Cadair Idris sounds like a fool’s errand.’

‘Fair enough,’ said Perkins.

He pointed at Moobin’s note again.

‘What’s all this about a “leap of faith”?’

‘No idea,’ I said, ‘and why did Moobin want to tell you “all other considerations secondary”? Are we in some kind of trouble?’

‘I’m not sure,’ said Perkins. ‘Perhaps he wanted to impress upon me just how important this mission was.’

Just then we came to a thin line of beech trees on the ridge, and Addie pointed towards a town on the valley floor.

‘Behold,’ she said in a dramatic tone of voice, ‘Llangurig.’

Llangurig

Llangurig was situated on a bend in the river and was roughly circular. It was defended by a high wall that was curved inwards with an overhang at the top in order to better withstand attack by Tralfamosaur and other terrors. There was open countryside outside the walls but it was churned and shattered by recent conflict. And by recent, I mean really recent – several armoured vehicles were smouldering from a battle earlier that day.

‘What are they?’ I asked, pointing to what looked like two encampments, one a half-mile to the east of Llangurig, and one the same distance to the west. Each encampment seemed to have its own system of trenches and earthworks, within which I could see troops at readiness.

‘Two conflicting sides,’ said Addie, ‘who have fought violently over Llangurig’s territory for the past one hundred and forty years. A period of endless strife, aggression and political manoeuvring. The leaders of these two factions will stop at nothing to defeat the other, while in between them, the target of their endless battle awaits the outcome with long-bated breath.’

‘Warlords?’ I asked.

‘If only,’ replied Addie. ‘At least power-hungry Lunatics eventually know when to call a truce. No, these two factions are fuelled by greed and are utterly ruthless in their pursuit of power, influence and territory.’

‘You mean—?’ said Perkins.

‘Right,’ said Addie, ‘railway companies.’