The Gambling Man

She turned and looked at Jimmy, and her body seemed to slump inside the cloak. She said now flatly, ‘How would any of you have felt, I ask you? Look at yourselves. Would you have acted any differently? And don’t forget, I could have gone to the polis station, I could have said who I was? I could have blown the whole thing into the open, but I didn’t, I kept quiet, I didn’t even go and see me da. I kept out of his way even when I saw him at the funeral. And I won’t see him now, ’cos he’d open his mouth. It would only be natural. But . . . but when she sent for me and . . . and she knew I was going back there, she asked if she could do anything for me and I said aye, yes, she could. I told her, I told her what it was like there. They had nothing or next to nothing. The boats were dropping to bits. It . . . it was she who named the sum. Five hundred, she said, and I didn’t say, yes, aye, or nay.’

‘You mean she gave you five hundred straight­away like that?’ Paddy was peering at her through narrowed lids.

‘No, she gave me a paper. I’ve . . . I’ve got to go to a French bank. She’s puttin’ four hundred and fifty pounds in there; she gave me the rest in sovereigns.’

‘And after that, lass, you still haven’t got a good word in yer belly for her?’

She dropped her eyes from Lizzie’s gaze, then said, ‘I can’t be like you all, fallin’ on her neck.’

‘Nobody’s fell on her neck.’

She turned and looked at Jimmy. ‘No, you didn’t fall on her neck, Jimmy, just into her arms. You were as bad as Rory. I’ve got to say it, it’s funny what money can do, by aye, it is. I wouldn’t ’ve believed it.’

‘Well, you’re not turnin’ your nose up at it, are you, Janie?’

‘No, no, I’m not, Jimmy, but as I look at it now I’m only takin’ what’s due to me, ’cos as things were he would have had to support me. And in the long run it would have cost him more than five hundred pounds ’cos I’m likely to live a long time.’

They all stared at her, Ruth, Lizzie, Paddy and Jimmy. This was the little girl who had grown up next door. This was the young lass, the kindly young lass, who had cared for her grannie, who had been full of high spirits and kindliness. Each in his own way was realizing what life could do to any one of them. Each in his own way knew a moment of understanding, and so it was Ruth who spoke first, saying, ‘Well, wherever you go, lass, whatever you do, our good wishes ’ll go with you. Our memories are long; we’ll always remember you.’ She did not add ‘as you once were.’

‘Aye, that goes for me an’ all.’ Paddy was nodding at her. ‘We’ve had some good times together, Janie, and in this very kitchen. I’ll think back on ’em, Janie.’

Lizzie’s face and voice was soft as she said, ‘As you say, you’ll live a long time, lass, and you’ll marry and have a sturdy family, an’ when you do, name some of them after us, eh?’

Janie’s head was up, her lips were tight pressed together, her eyes were wide and bright; then as the tears sprang from them, they came around her, patting her, comforting her; even Paddy hobbled from his chair, saying, ‘There, lass. There, lass.’

‘I’ve . . . I’ve got to go.’

‘Yes, yes, you’ve got to go.’ Ruth dried her eyes and smiled. ‘And have a safe journey, lass. It’s a long way to go, across the sea to another country. Aren’t you feared?’

‘No.’ Janie shook her head as she blew her nose. I know me way, an’ I won’t have to ride in the cattle trucks.’ She smiled weakly, and Lizzie said somewhat tentatively now, ‘Why didn’t you get yourself a decent rig-out, lass, to go back with?’

‘No, Lizzie, no.’ Again she shook her head. I came like this and that’s how I’m goin’ back. And . . . and you see, they wouldn’t understand, not if I went back dressed up. I’ll . . . I’ll be one of them again like this. But at the same time I’ve seen things, and I know things what they don’t, and I’ll be able to help . . . It’s funny, isn’t it, how life works out?’

As she looked from one to the other they saw a glimpse of the old Janie, and they smiled tenderly at her.

‘Eeh! well, I’ll be away. I’ve got to get the train.’

She backed from them now and, with the excep­tion of Jimmy, they didn’t move towards her, not even to come to the door. Jimmy opened the door for her, and with one backward glance at them she went out, and he followed her down the path. At the gate he said, ‘Look, wait a minute, I’ll go back and get me coat and come down with you to the station.’

‘No. No, Jimmy. Thanks all the same. Anyway, you’re in no fit state to be about yet, never mind walking to the station.’

He took her hand and they stared at each other. ‘Be happy, Janie. Try to forget all that’s happened. And . . . and another thing I’d like to say, thank you for not letting on to them’—he jerked his head back towards the cottage—‘about, well, you know what, the John George business.’

She stared at him blankly. This was the second time those very words had been said to her within a short space.