The Gambling Man

Yes, a new kind of life was opening up before him, but whatever it offered it would be empty, for Rory was no longer in it. He ached for Rory, and night following night he cried silently while he wished that God had taken him too . . . or instead. Aye, instead. Why hadn’t he died instead, for he wouldn’t have been missed like Rory was? He had emptied so many lives by his going, Charlotte’s, Janie’s, Lizzie’s, his ma’s, aye and even his da’s, all their lives were empty now . . . Yet free from the scandal that his living would have created. It was funny, weird. In a way it was like the outcome of Lizzie’s saying, leave it to God and He’ll work it out.

He went up the path and into the kitchen that housed the old life.

9

They were all in the kitchen again, but now they were waiting for the carriage to take them on what had become for all of them, up till now, one of their twice-weekly visits to Birchingham House.

Ruth stood facing Lizzie and Jimmy as, spreading her hands wide, she said, ‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll have me house to meself for once an’—’ she nodded towards Paddy—‘I’ve got your dad to look after.’

‘But both of us goin’, ma?’ Jimmy screwed up his face at her.

‘Well, now look at it this way, lad.’ Ruth’s tone was unusually brisk. ‘You’re goin’ into business, and it’s on the waterfront, practically at the end of it. Now, unless you’re going to have a carriage and pair for yourself, you can’t make that trek twice a day. Now Westoe’s on your doorstep so to speak. And there’s always the week-ends, you can come home at the week-ends. As for you, Lizzie.’ She turned her gaze on Lizzie. ‘You know, if you speak the truth, you’re breakin’ your neck to stay down there; you can’t wait for that child to be born.’

‘What you talkin’ about, woman? Breakin’ me neck!’ Lizzie jerked her chin upwards.

‘I know what I’m talkin’ about and you know what I’m talkin’ about. And you’ve lost weight. The flesh is droppin’ off you.’

‘Huh!’ Lizzie put her forearms under her breasts and humped them upwards. ‘That should worry you. You’ve told me for years I’m too fat. And anyway, what do you think Charlotte will have to say about all this?’

‘Charlotte will welcome you with open arms, the both of yous, she needs you. Remember the last time we saw her as we went out the door, remember the look on her face? She was lost. She’s no family of her own, she needs family.’

‘The likes of me?’ Lizzie now thumped her chest.

‘Yes, the likes of you. Who better? Now stop sayin’ one thing and thinkin’ another. Go and pack a few odds and ends. And you an’ all, Jimmy. Now both of yous, and let me have me own way for once in me own house with me own life. I’ve never had much say in anything, have I? Now, have I?’ She turned and looked towards her husband who was staring at her, and he smiled; then nodding from Lizzie to Jimmy, he said, ‘She’s right, she’s right, she’s had the poor end of the stick. Do what she says and let’s have peace.’

Stoddard was a little surprised when the two leather-strapped bass hampers were handed to him to be placed on the seat beside him, but then so many surprising things had happened of late that he was taking them in his stride now.

Three quarters of an hour later, when the carriage drew up on the drive, he helped Mrs O’Dowd, as she was known to the servants, down the steps; then taking up the hampers, he followed her and the young gentleman up towards his mistress who was waiting at the door. As the greetings were being exchanged he handed the hampers to the maid, and she took them into the hall and set them down, and when Charlotte glanced at them, Lizzie, taking off her coat, said, ‘Aye, you might look at them; you’re in for a shock.’

A few minutes later, seated in the drawing-room, Lizzie asked softly, ‘Well, how you feeling now, lass?’ and it was some seconds before Charlotte, clasping and unclasping her hands, replied, ‘If I’m to speak the truth, Lizzie, desolate, utterly, utterly desolate.’ Her voice broke and she swallowed deeply before ending, ‘It gets worse, I, I miss him more every day. I was lonely before but, but never like this.’