The Happy Marriage

“I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again: there’s nothing I can do for you, it’s too late to remedy the situation. You have to cut off the snake’s head on the very first night.”

“What snake are you talking about? We married men, not snakes!”

“You’re doomed … there’s nothing I can do.”

But her friends insisted and had her surrounded. “We won’t let you leave until you reveal your secret.”

“Fine, since you insist, I’m going to tell you what you should have done. You should have eaten your husband, that’s right, you should have gobbled him up and kept him inside your body forever. It’s what I did and it worked out for me. But it’s already too late in your case, I’ve told you that. Your husbands have become too leathery, tough, and uneatable. You can’t turn back time.”

“You ate him, you really ate him?”

“I did, I ate him all up. He’s right here inside me, and he only comes out when I want him to. I had no choice. It was either that, or I would have wound up being his dog, at his beck and call, so he could mercilessly exploit me or beat me up whenever he wanted. And I never would have had an orgasm either!”

“Are you planning to have children with him?”

“Not for the time being. I’ll exploit him as much as I can for now, and then we’ll see. If we have children, there’s a risk he’ll escape. At which point I’ll have to come up with another scheme to keep him completely submissive. I’ll ask my mother, who will ask her mother, but I must be quick about seeing as how she’s dying.”