The Happy Marriage

Today I’m a fly. We’ve lived in solitude for a long time, way before his accident happened. I’ll admit I’m exaggerating a little, dramatizing this as much as I can. I’m left without a choice. I suck blood out of the tip of his large nose. I bother him, bump into him, insult him, spit on his skin, and there’s nothing he can do about it, he can’t even move his arms, hands, or fingers. He’s been taken hostage by his illness and I try not to neglect any details.

I’m nothing but a fly, any old fly, stupid and stubborn. I’m obstinate. It’s in my genes. The only way I know how to be. It’s just the way things are. I know that’s moronic, but that’s how it is. There’s nothing I can do about it. I am — and always have been — stronger than he ever was. Just like a fly. I have eyes on the back of my head and I’m suspicious of everyone, and I think this suits me very well. This is how it is and nothing’s ever going to change my mind. I’m a fly, a dangerous fly.

My Version

Before giving you my version of events, I must warn you that I’m nasty. I wasn’t born that way, but when people attack me, I defend myself by any and all means, and I give as good as I get. Truth be told, I don’t give as good as I get, I inflict even worse damage. That’s how it is, I’m not nice, and I hate nice guys, they’re weak, vague, and they’re all alike. I like my relationships with people to be direct, frank, free of compromise and hypocrisy. Yes, I’m inflexible. Flexibility is for snakes and diplomats. I’m not ashamed to say what I’m like because I’m an honest woman. I don’t lie. I cut to the chase. I don’t equivocate. I sprang out of rocks and prickly pears. I was born in an arid land, devoid of all water and shade. There were no trees or plants where I grew up. But there were animals and men. Wretched animals and women resigned to their fate. I rebelled against all that. I reacted to droughts by becoming hard. As far as I’m aware, animals don’t bother with civilities. I’m tough because nice people always wind up dead, wondering why people treated them so badly.

I don’t know the meaning of fear. I’ve never been afraid. I don’t know the meaning of shame. Nobody’s ever been able to shame me. That’s how it is. No shame, no fear. I’m not afraid of anybody. I’m ready to die, anywhere, any time. I forge ahead, and I don’t look back.

I endured hunger, a great deal of hunger. I endured thirst. I endured the cold. Nobody ever came to my rescue. Very early in life I understood that life isn’t an endless series of dinner parties where everybody loves everybody.

I’m right, and I keep my head high. I don’t allow anyone to push me around or betray me. Betrayal is the worst thing someone can do as far as I’m concerned. I’m capable of killing anyone who betrays me. That’s how it is. I don’t hide my intentions; besides, I don’t have any intentions to start with. I follow through with my decisions. I belong to the night, to a cruel, unforgiving world.

I wonder why I felt the need to warn you. It’s not like me at all. I don’t waste time on chatter. I act. But all I’ve done here is talk. At the risk of failing to act.

My name is Amina, and I am the woman mentioned in this story. I’m tall, five seven, and have brown hair, my natural color. I love life, I’m comfortable in my own skin, and I like to help people. I’m not formally educated, but I’m curious and I’m an autodidact, I read and look things up all the time. I’m telling you all this because I want you to know who I really am. My husband took a lot of liberties with the truth.