The Last Samurai

I realised suddenly that if the Chinese characters were the same as the Japanese I knew the characters for White Rain Black Tree: ! I put these provisionally into the mind of Yu and laughed out loud and Liberace said What’s funny. I said Nothing and he said No tell me.

At last in despair I said You know the Rosetta Stone.

What? said Liberace.

I said The Rosetta Stone. I think we need more.

He said One’s not enough?

I said What I mean is, though I believe the Stone was originally a rather pompous thing to erect, it was a gift to posterity. Being written in hieroglyphics, demotic and Greek, it only required that one language survive for all to be accessible. Probably one day English will be a much-studied dead language; we should use this fact to preserve other languages to posterity. You could have Homer with translation and marginal notes on vocabulary and grammar, so that if that single book happened to be dug up in 2,000 years or so the people of the day would be able to read Homer, or better yet, we could disseminate the text as widely as possible to give it the best possible chance of survival.

What we should do, I said, is have legislation so that every book published was obliged to have, say, a page of Sophocles or Homer in the original with appropriate marginalia bound into the binding, so that even if you bought an airport novel if your plane crashed you would have something to reread on the desert island. The great thing is that people who were put off Greek at school would then have another chance, I think they’re put off by the alphabet but if you’ve learned one at the age of six how hard can it be? It’s not a particularly difficult language.

Liberace said When you get the bit between your teeth you really get carried away don’t you? One minute you’re so quiet I can hardly get a word out of you, then all of a sudden there’s no stopping you. It’s rather engaging.

I did not know what to say and he said after a pause What’s funny about that?

Nothing, I said and he said Oh, I see.

I asked after a pause where his car was. He said that it should be here. He said that it must have been towed, and he swore The bastards! The bastards! and then he said abruptly that it would just have to be the Tube.

I walked with him to the Tube, and when we got to his stop he said I must come back to his place to take his mind off his car. He said I could not imagine the horror of going to a party such as the one we had left and then discovering that it had cost you fifty pounds or so plus the sheer horror of going to West Croydon or wherever it was they kept the cars to get it back. I said something sympathetic. I had left the train to continue the conversation and now I found myself leaving the Tube station and walking through the streets with Liberace to his place.

We walked up the steps and upstairs inside and Liberace started up a little conversational medley on the subject of cars and towing and wheel clamps. He improvised on the subject of the depot for the towed-away cars. He improvised on the officials who obstructed attempts to reclaim a car.

His way of talking was a little like his writing: it was quick and nervous and anxious to seem anxious to please, and every so often he would say Oh God I’m talking too much I’m boring you you’ll walk out on me and leave me alone to brood on my you know I don’t personally consider my car I mean if you could see it you’d see I couldn’t possibly consider it a phallic but the meaning’s out there isn’t it there’s something potentially horribly symbolic isn’t there about having it towed away just when you’ve offered a lift to I mean you may think that’s too obvious I couldn’t agree more but fuck, and he would say Tell me if I’m boring you. No one had ever asked me if he was boring me who wasn’t, and I never knew what to say, or rather it always seemed as though the only possible answer was No and so I now said No not at all. I thought it would be better to change the subject so I asked for a drink.

He brought drinks from the kitchen and talked about this and that, showing me souvenirs from his travels and making comments by turns cynical and sentimental. He had a new computer, an Amstrad 1512 with two 5.25 inch floppy disk drives and 512 kilobytes of RAM. He said he had installed Norton Utilities to organise his files, and he turned it on to show how Norton Utilities worked.

I asked if it could do Greek. He said he didn’t think so, so I didn’t ask whether it could do anything else.

We sat down and to my horror I saw on a nearby small table a brand new book by Lord Leighton.