The Librarianist

“Maybe not,” Bob said. Connie was evidently happy at this attack on Eileen’s personality, and Bob began to dread the thought of the dinner and he moved slowly toward it with a foot-dragging petulance. When he arrived at home, Connie was upstairs getting ready for the evening. She was humming a jazzy tune, and when she came downstairs Bob saw that she was wearing makeup, a fancier-than-normal dress, and heeled shoes. Before he could catch himself, he asked, “Why are you all dressed up?” Connie stood up straight to let her disappointment shine, then said, “Bob, if you think I’m not going to make myself look nice to meet your best friend and his fiancée, then I don’t know what to tell you other than that you should consider going and fucking yourself.” Which was fair enough, after all; and the words had the effect of a splash of cold water on Bob’s face. He apologized and Connie accepted the apology and together they set the dining room table.

Ethan and Eileen arrived thirty minutes early. Bob was getting dressed upstairs when he heard the doorbell; he came down to find Connie and Eileen standing face-to-face and making their greetings while Ethan lurked to the side, wearing another tailored suit, and staring blankly at Bob. He made a drink gesture, and Bob made a follow me gesture, and they moved to the kitchen, where Bob poured them each a tumbler of whiskey. Ethan bolted his, and said, “Thanks, I needed that.” He held out his glass for a refill, which Bob gave him, and which he again drank down. “Thanks, I needed that.”

“What’s the matter?” asked Bob.

“Nothing. No, something. It’s hard to say. I’ll admit to a degree of disorientation, but that’s as far as I’ll go right now. Let’s talk about something else, maybe.”

“All right,” said Bob. “Why are you so tan and how many suits do you have now?”

“I’ve been in Acapulco and I’ve got seven suits.”

“Why were you in Acapulco and why do you have seven suits?”

“I was working as a waiter in a resort there; Eileen’s family has a tailor.”

“Why did Eileen’s family’s tailor make you seven suits?”

“It was my idea that I should have a suit, for the wedding. But Eileen said that every man should have seven, and I went along with that, because why wouldn’t I.”

“Who’s paying the tailor?”

“The father, I think.”

“What does he do?”

“Something with boats.”

“Shipping?”

“Anyway there are ships. Maybe it’s that he builds them. I can’t get to the bottom of it because it’s hard to talk to Eileen’s father because he’s such a hateable little pigman.”

“And what does he think of you?”

“Not so much, buddy. But he says he’s not that worried about me because he’s met my type before and that we always come to a bad end.” Ethan shrugged, as if to say that time would tell. Bob corked the whiskey bottle and he and Ethan went in search of Connie and Eileen and found them seated at the dining room table, and they were drinking red wine and Eileen was saying, “Ethan was our waiter at the resort. And he was not very good at recalling our orders or bringing us what we wanted in a timely style, but he was good at seducing me, which he did without any sort of shame whatever, and in broad daylight, isn’t that right, Ethan?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Ethan answered.

“Wait,” Connie said. “I’ve missed a detail or two. How is it that Ethan was working in a resort in Acapulco?”

Ethan raised a finger. “One day in the market I was approached by a headhunter working for a hospitality firm with ties all over Mexico, and who offered me a job as a waiter in a resort down there. It’s seasonal work, and the deal is, they bring down a fresh crop of young men for three-month stretches. We’re assigned ten tables each, three meals a day, and a lot of the customers stay for weeks at a time, so you wind up getting to know people fairly well.” Ethan made his hand into a gun and shot Eileen. “I never really did get the hang of the job, it’s true. All the bowing and hurrying. You’d think a lukewarm egg was the end of the actual world.”

Connie asked Eileen, “Were your parents impressed by this news of your plans to marry a waiter?”

“Oh, no, it’s been a terrific scandal,” said Eileen. “Mother slapped me right across my face! I did mention that, didn’t I, Ethan? About Mother slapping me across my face?”

“You mentioned it, yes,” said Ethan.