The Librarianist

“That’s not a very friendly question, Bob. But yes, all right, preceding the engagement there was overlap, and yes, it became messy and complex. There was a lot of running around and ducking into closets, things like that. Each woman wore a strong perfume but not the same brand; I’ve never taken so many showers in my life. I managed to keep my relationship with Georgie hidden from Eileen and Eileen’s father but there were some very close shaves, and the stress level was high, and between the romantic cloak-and-dagger and the work schedule I wasn’t sleeping hardly at all. Around the same time Georgie and I started falling apart, Eileen and I became engaged. She told her folks and they packed up and dragged her to the airport. And that would have been that but for the fact of their living in Portland. Eileen’s folks had me fired, you see, and I was sent home, and so we all four were on the same flight back. When we landed, Eileen came away with me and we stayed in my apartment for however many weeks it took for me to figure out, you know, I could never marry this person.”

Bob said, “I didn’t understand the quickness of the engagement.”

“I was confused by that also.”

“So it was her idea?”

“If you want to get technical, it was my idea. But really, I had only meant it as that — an idea.”

“Something to discuss.”

“Something to bat around.”

“Something to chew on.”

“Put a pin in it, consider it later. But then she agreed with such — aggression. Anyway, yesterday was the day where I finally told her we’d have to call it all off.”

“And how did that go?”

“Bad, badly. Yelling and tears, cursing, the breaking of cups and plates, leaving, returning — she kept returning. Her point, and it was a fair point, was that she had already debased herself by agreeing to marry a waiter, ruining her standing. And then this same waiter breaks off the engagement? It’s a double ruining.” He shifted in his bed and again there was the look of pain.

Bob said, “I still don’t understand why you’re in the hospital?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Eileen tried to kill me.” He pulled down the collar of his hospital smock, revealing a stitched wound four or five inches below the left clavicle. “She stuck a steak knife in me while I was sleeping. We’d been fighting all afternoon and evening and I’d dozed off on the couch. When I woke up she was standing over me with a funny look on her face and her suitcase by her feet. ‘Where you going?’ Then I noticed the knife handle sticking out of my chest. Wait’ll you see the X-rays. The doctor says she missed the heart by millimeters.”

Bob sat considering this tale, and the way it existed in contrast to Ethan’s apparent amusement, when a nurse entered with a questioning face. “Are you behaving yourself?”

“Hello, Roberta. Yes, I am. Look, look at the flowers.”

“Oh, my goodness.” She saw Bob and asked, “Did your friend bring you flowers?”

“He sure did. What do you think about that?”

“I think that’s just nice. Let’s get them in some fresh water.” Roberta located a vase and filled it with water. She unwrapped the flowers and arranged them in the vase and set this down on the table at the foot of the bed. “I’ll leave them here so you can enjoy them.”

“Thank you, Roberta. Enjoying the flowers is important to me.”

Roberta was patting the flowers this and that way. “I’ll put some sugar in the water,” she said to Bob. “That makes the flowers stand up and say hello.” She left the room to seek the sugar out.

“Where was I in the story?” Ethan asked.

“You were lying there stabbed.”

“I was lying there, stabbed,” said Ethan. “And Eileen was gone and I just figured, okay, this is the end. But then time passed and I felt fine. A little bit tingly in the feet and hands, but otherwise all was as usual. I wasn’t about to take the knife out myself though, and I did crave the advice of a medical professional, so I put on my pants and slippers, no shirt, and went down to the pay phone on the corner. I made myself understood to the operator, then sat down in the booth and went to sleep, or maybe fainted, then I woke up here and the knife was gone and they won’t give it back to me and I think they lost it, actually. My one nice knife.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“I’m sore as hell and it’s uncomfortable to breathe but I didn’t die and I don’t have to get married. So, all things considered, I’m fine.”

“And where is Eileen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Has she been arrested?”

“Oh, no. I’m not going to press charges or anything like that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think that would be very gentlemanly, do you?”

“I’m not sure there’s a precedent for such a thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t know that a gentleman would have found himself in the position in the first place.”

“Okay, touché. But that only leads to my next point. I’ve been lying in this bed thinking about my habits and behaviors, Bob. And it seems to me that I’ve been spoiling for a stabbing for a good little minute, here.”