The Love Child

Carlotta never liked to be in one place too long. She visited Christabel now and then. Young Thomas adored her, hi common with other members of his sex. I liked going to Grassland Manor. It was such a happy household. I had never seen anyone change as Christabel had, and the change never failed to delight me. Envy had spoiled her life and now it had completely disappeared. She was deeply contented.

She admitted to me once that there was nothing more she wanted, then she qualified that. “Yes, just one thing. I’d like to have another child. Thomas would love another. Of course, we are lucky to have young Thomas-who is the most wonderful child in the world, although I don’t expect you to agree with me-but I should like to have given Thomas several more children.”

“Perhaps you will,” I said.

“No.” She shook her head. “You know I nearly died with Thomas. The doctor said that to have another would be dangerous. I think my dear husband would rather have me than another child … even if I could have it.”

“I’m sure of that.”

“I’m so glad it turned out the way it did, though I don’t deserve it. I really don’t.”

“I never heard such nonsense,” I said; and she just smiled at me and shook her head.

Carlotta was a frequent visitor at Enderby Hall. She had completely charmed Robert Frinton and I was glad that she went to see him, for he was a lonely old man. I often wondered what he would say if he knew of the relationship between them. I was sure he would be pleased.

He had made a habitable residence of Enderby Hall but he never quite succeeded hi dispelling the gloom. I could never enter that hall without feeling a faint twinge of apprehension, and on the rare occasions when I had been there alone, I would find myself taking furtive looks over my shoulder because I felt I was being watched.

He had brought a small staff of servants with him and lived quite simply. He often visited us, for my mother was constantly inviting him. I noticed that as soon as he arrived he would look round for Carlotta, and if she were not present-for she often decided that she would go and stay with Harriet-he would be unable to bide his disappointment.

Of course Carlotta was wayward and bent on having her own way, but she only had to smile at us and we were her slaves. All except Harriet, who made no attempt to please her and somehow managed to do it as well as any of us could.

It was a sunny day hi the June of the year 1695 when Harriet and I sat in the gardens of Eyot Abbas overlooking the sea, and as I made out the island just rising out of the sea mist, I remembered, as I could never fail to, that night I had spent there with Carlotta’s father. I thought of my youth, my innocence and the tenderness of our love, so beautiful in itself and the beginning of everything which had happened afterwards, culminating in that night of horror which still haunted my dreams and coloured my life. It was like a black cloud, ever present, menacing my happiness.

Leigh and I were, of course, happy together, but the complete intimacy for which we both longed still eluded us. It was a mystery to Leigh, but I knew full well what it was. I could never feel completely at peace while the memory lay between us.

I knew Leigh well-the kindest of men where his loved ones were concerned, but he was capable of a reckless fury over what he considered injustice. He had gone over easily to the side of William because, although he had sworn allegiance to the King, he did not respect him. His commanding officer, Churchill, had his wholehearted support; and if Churchill went over to William, then he believed it was morally right for him to do so. I often thought of the way in which Leigh had brought me back to the palazzo and then coldbloodedly gone off the following night and half killed Beaumont Granville. He must never know. I was certain that if he did there would be no half measures. That would be the end of Beaumont Granville.

“You’re thoughtful.” Harriet was watching me closely. “Thinking back to long ago?

You shouldn’t brood on the past, Priscilla. You have to look ahead to the future.

I want to talk about Carlotta.”

“Oh, yes?”

“I feel she is my responsibility as well as yours. After all, I am her mother in a way. I feel my duty towards her, although you may not believe it.”

“Of course I believe it. You have always been good to her. She loves you.”

“She admires me, yes. I think we are a little alike, Carlotta and I. I’m thinking of her future. She’ll marry young.”

“She’s a child yet.”

“Some of us stop being children early.”

“She is thirteen years old.”

“How old were you, dear Priscilla, when you stayed the night on the island with your lover?”

“It was unusual circumstances.”

“Unusual circumstances are sometimes quite usual, which sounds a contradiction but is oddly true. They arise, these unusual circumstances, and catch us unaware. I am sure that a girl like Carlotta will attract such occasions as she attracts every male creature who comes within a few yards of her.”