The Mariner

“Allowing a rape to take place shows a desire to degrade, a yearning to feel powerful. Perhaps because inside you feel powerless?”

“I didn’t allow it, I stopped it.”

“Only when your guilt got too hard to bear. Or perhaps you acted purely to make yourself feel even more powerful? First you watched the rape, then you stopped it, showing you were the one in control at all times. You, and not your mother.”

The Mariner was dumbfounded. There it was, the answer to why he was so flawed. How could it come down to something so small? “Can I be cured?”

Tetrazzini smiled. “My friend, my life-affirming theory treats all ills. First lets address your long term plans. Once we have dealt with your addictions I think you should stay here in Sighisoara. You have been living alone for far too long, you need human interaction. We evolved from social creatures and without communication the brain degrades.”

The Mariner began to protest, but Tetrazzini carried on regardless. “I know you are a man of the sea and will want to continue on your way as soon as possible, but let me put this to you: get yourself a crew.”

“I have a crew.”

“What? Those man-eating animals of yours? Can’t you see they only serve to drive away any possible friendship you may form? All because of this lingering feeling you have inside that you’re not worthy of a relationship in any form other than bestial.”

The Mariner remembered Absinth and the fate he’d sentenced the man to. Had he killed him out of fear of getting too close? Had his actions really been that selfish?

“Once you’re better we’ll have them put down.”

Despite his reservations about the devils, the words shocked him. “No!”

“They need to be taken care of.”

“Can’t we find that zoo and drop them off there?”

Tetrazzini laughed. “What zoo?”

“Grace said—”

“My daughter is prone to flights of fancy, there’s no zoo. But if you like we’ll try to find someone to look after them, if you’re so inclined.”

The Mariner doubted anyone would be able to tend to the devils without losing their fingers, but kept silent. In fact, getting rid of the devils sounded like a fantastic idea. What use were they anyway? They hated him and he hated them. Perhaps their death would bring some relief.

“With them and your addictions gone, you’ll finally be able to maintain normal healthy relationships. And if, once you’ve achieved those goals, you choose to leave, well that’s fine, but until then you should stay here and embrace this course of action. Do we have a deal?”

Relief made the Mariner’s voice wobble. He’d admitted his sin and instead of being turned out, he was embraced. Nurtured. “We do.”

“Excellent. Now let’s address the tricky process of curing you.” Tetrazzini pulled his chair closer to the Mariner, lowering his voice once in close proximity. “Do you understand the principles of our treatment for your alcoholism?”

“Yes,” he replied and continued at the doctor’s prompting. “Every time I drink, the pill tells my brain not to enjoy it.”

“Something like that,” agreed Tetrazzini. “More like it stops the brain making an association between the act and the feeling of reward; that way we erode the strength of the addiction until it no longer exists.”

The Mariner understood well and approved. It was a gloriously simple process.

Tetrazzini glanced at his hands which he rubbed together, either through enthusiasm or nerves. “Do you think it would work if you didn’t drink alcohol?”

“How so?”

“Let’s say you conjured into your mind the image, the thought, the memory of drinking alcohol whilst you took the pill. Would that work as well?”

“You’re the doctor, you tell me.”

“It’d be nice wouldn’t it? To cure addiction by imagination? But sadly there are limits to my beta-blockers. When you conjure something in your mind you are accessing neural pathways that are already there, not being written. Beta-blockers modify neural connections as they’re made, not after. If the pill is to work, you have to be indulging the addiction, not just evoking it.”

Tetrazzini shifted closer to the Mariner, so much so he could smell coffee on the man’s breath.

“You are special, my friend. I believe you hold the key to what has been happening to all of us, and with your help we will unlock those secrets. But to do that you must first be rid of these addictions. You must. It is for the greater good.”

The Mariner agreed hesitantly, not quite understanding what Tetrazzini was hinting at.

“So you see, it’s important you follow the course of treatment for both your addictions. Take the pill, indulge, and eventually you’ll be the master.”

His eyes widened as he understood what the doctor was suggesting. “You want me to…?”

“I’m not telling you to do anything,” Tetrazzini quickly replied. “But if you want to be free of this compulsion, if you want to be assured you never have to do it again, if you want to forget these terrible things you’ve done, then this is the only way.”

The Mariner’s mind was reeling. Was it true? Was this the road to salvation?