The pool of St Branok

Morwenna had discussed the baby's name and she decided on Pedrek. It was a good old Cornish name and it had belonged to her great-grandfather. She remembered that when she was a child she had seen it on a tombstone. She had always liked it.

There would be a christening at Walloo, where Dr. Field had his practice. There was a church there and a parson. He had come over once or twice, Mrs. Bowles told us, for funerals.

"We'll have a christening then when he is a little older," said Morwenna.

It had been arranged that she should stay at Ben's house until she was stronger. Mrs. Bowles was to remain for a week or so to look after her and the baby. She darkly hinted to me that although she and the doctor had performed their miracle, there must be no going back.

I thought this wise. As for Mrs. Bowles she was delighted for while still living in a haze of glory—and she knew how quickly that could fade in spite of her efforts to keep it going—she also enjoyed living in what she called the lap of luxury.

Much to Ben's chagrin I returned to the shack. I said there was no excuse for me to remain longer; in fact I was desperately afraid of the emotion which Ben aroused in me.

This was a time of discovery. I was learning to know people. One received an impression and judged them on that, and later was proved wrong. The fact was that people were complex beings; one could not divide them into categories—the bad and the righteous. One should never make hasty judgments or assess people on what one saw superficially.

In my innocence I had endowed Gervaise with all the knightly qualities and then I had found the feet of clay—that obsession which had changed our lives and would one day, I felt sure, ruin us.

Each day I fell more and more out of love with Gervaise and this was largely because I was falling more and more in love with Ben.

At the moment I was happy because during those moments on the stairs with Justin, I had vowed that I would give everything I had or had hoped for, if Morwenna could live and have her baby. She had her baby and she was getting stronger every day; and I was already forgetting my vow. Not only did I want happiness for her but for myself too.

I was tired of this place, of the perpetual grime, the rough living, the four walls of my dismal shed ... trying to clean the place, building the fire which had to be kept going in the excessive heat because we must cook, the ration of water, insects which I had never before known existed, the ubiquitous flies. I wanted to go home ... for many reasons. I wanted to see my family; I wanted to live in comfort; and I was afraid of what would happen between Ben and me if I stayed here.

He was always there. He made a point of being where I was. He was always urging me ... if not with words with looks. I think he, too, wanted to go home. He seemed to be grappling with himself.

I said to him one day: "You could go home. Why do you not just leave?"

He said he had vowed not to return until he had found gold in such quantities as he knew existed somewhere under this soil.

I replied that it was folly to make such vows. He could return now. He had enough money to go back and engage in some profitable enterprise.

"If you will come with me, I will go," he said. "Otherwise I stay. Everything is tied up here. What would my grandfather think of me if I went back without what I came for?"

"He would understand."

"If you came back with me ... yes. He would understand then."

"Ben, I cannot go back with you. I shall always be faithful to Gervaise. I married him. I took my vows."

"Tell me," he said, "do you mean it?"

"I mean it absolutely."

"Will you change your mind?"

"Never, never ..."

He looked at me sadly.

"Then," he said, "it looks as though I shall have to go ahead ... here."

"You are important here. A sort of head man."

He laughed at that, but his laughter was hollow.

"You actually employ these people in the mine. You have your house with servants. Your life is different from all the others. Only the Morleys can compare with you."

"I know what I want. It is to go home ... to go home with you ... If I cannot have that ..."

"You can't, Ben."

"Never?"

"I have vowed to be true to Gervaise. I shall never break that vow."

"Then," he said, "I must make the best of what I have. Is that what you are telling me?"

"Yes, Ben, it is. You are a very ambitious man, Ben. You can be content with what you have and what you might find here ... That would console you ... for us."

"Nothing would console me," he said. "But you are right ... I must take what I can get. I will be lucky in everything ... but love."

"You will have to consider yourself fortunate to be lucky in something."

"It is not what I want. Always remember this, Angel. It was not what T wanted."

I felt my resistance weakening and I fought it with all my strength.