The pool of St Branok

Grace and my mother were with me. My mother was emotional as most mothers are when their daughters get married. I suppose they think the relationship will never be the same again, and they have lost some part of a daughter to a stranger.

I threw my arms about her, remembering all we had been to one another.

I said: "We are going to see each other often. I shall come to Cador and you must come to London."

She nodded, too tearful to speak.

We were to live in London. My parents, as the Pencarrons had with Morwenna, were presenting us with a house as a wedding present. It seemed the most sensible of gifts to a married pair who had to find a home for themselves. Morwenna and I promised each other that we would have an exciting time helping each other to choose our new homes; and one thing which delighted us was that we should be neighbors.

The prospect ahead seemed full of pleasure; and in the meantime Gervaise and I were about to leave on our honeymoon which was to be spent in the South of France.

Grace patted the sleeve of my jacket and smoothed the skirt. We had bought it in London and she had helped to choose it. I felt it was very elegant and there was a little hat with a curling blue-tinted ostrich feather with it.

"You look lovely," said my mother. "Doesn't she, Grace?"

Grace agreed.

And then I went down to Gervaise who was waiting for me and whose looks told me that he agreed with them.

When we arrived at the station the train was already in. We had a first-class carriage to ourselves.

"How fortunate!" I cried.

"Arranged," said Gervaise, "with Machiavellian cunning."

And we were laughing together.

We were to stay the first night in a London hotel before we continued our journey the next day.

"It will be the first time I have ever been out of England," I said.

"Is that why you are so excited?"

"The sole reason," I told him.

"Angelet," he said severely, "you must not tell your husband lies."

"What will you do if I decide I shall?"

"I shall be forced to take drastic action."

"Such as?"

"You'll find out."

And so we bantered.

The journey, which had previously always seemed so long, now seemed quite short; and there we were coming into Paddington Station.

I was full of admiration for the manner in which Gervaise guided me through, having summoned a porter to take the baggage. Soon we were in a cab.

What a man of the world! I thought proudly.

Our room overlooked the Park. It was quite a splendid room with heavy brocade curtains, gilded furniture and a bed which I imagined could have been used by Louis XIV.

"The bridal suite," announced Gervaise. "All arranged efficiently by your father, I must tell you."

"He didn't tell me."

"No, it was to be a surprise."

"It's very grand."

"Well, it is our wedding night."

I changed into a dinner dress and we went down to dine. Eager-to-please waiters hovered; the discreet music was delightful; and Gervaise was sitting opposite me telling me how much he loved me.

It was a beautiful night. There was a moon which seemed suitable for the occasion. From the balcony we could look over the Park which seemed to have become mysterious and unreal. He put an arm about me, his fingers caressing my neck. Then he took the pins from my hair and let it fall about my shoulders.

He drew me back into the room. He took my face in his hands and said: "For so long I have waited for you, Angelet. I have wanted you so much. You wouldn't understand ..."

Then he kissed me as he had never kissed me before. I felt startled. I was innocent but not ignorant. I knew of the relationships between the sexes in theory. It should be something precious; it made a bond between people, such as that between my parents, Helena and Matthew, Uncle Peter and Aunt Amaryllis. It was easy to see there was this special bond between them. But there was another side to it. There was something I had glimpsed on that never-to-be-forgotten day there at the pool.

And suddenly without warning it came upon me ... the terrible fear. I was back there. It was as vivid as it had been on that day.

I seemed to see those other features ... the feel of his hands ... his breath on my face.

I heard myself scream: "No, no."

I tried to withdraw my hands but he held them tightly.

"Let me go," I cried. "Let me go."

He released me, staring at me in amazement.

"Angelet, what's wrong? What is it?"

The sound of his voice, so tender, so loving, reassured me. I was being foolish.

"I ... I don't ... know," I stammered.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't hurt you for the world."

"No ... I know. It is just that ..."

He would have taken me in his arms but I shrank away from him.

"Angelet, what on earth has happened? You're looking at me as though I'm a stranger ... a monster."

And I thought: I shall never forget. It will always be there.

I turned away from him and flung myself onto the bed. Involuntary sobs shook my body.

He was lying beside me, his arms about me. "Tell me, Angelet. Tell me all about it."