The pool of St Branok

"I wasn't thinking of that. But this is no place for women."

"Nor for men either."

"Tell them that and they won't believe you."

"You live comfortably enough."

"When I first came out here I lived the same as the rest of them."

"But you found your way out of it."

"I do find my way out of difficult situations. Some people are like that. I find it a little uncomfortable to live here as I do ... so close to the others and yet different."

"Well, your place is a refuge to those in need ... like Morwenna at the moment."

"And you, Angel?"

"I am sharing in the luxury."

"I wish you would share it ... always."

I was startled yet not really surprised. I had tried to hide from myself my feelings which were becoming more and more difficult to suppress. I loved Gervaise, I kept telling myself; but something had happened on our honeymoon. I had thought so often of Madame Bougerie sitting at her reception desk ... trusting us ... liking us ... and then he had been able to go off like that without a great deal of compunction. He had said he was going to pay later, but would he have done so? Yes, that was when my feelings for him had begun to change.

And then ... seeing that feverish look in his eyes ... that need always to gamble ... irritated me and made me impatient. It was like a disease.

I tried to pass it off lightly. "I shall enjoy it while it lasts," I said.

"I should never have come here in the first place," he went on. "I should have gone back to Cornwall. Perhaps I should have stayed there ... had an estate nearby. We should have seen each other ... often."

"Well, that would have been very pleasant, I am sure."

He took my hand suddenly and gripped it hard. "It ought to have worked out that way. It might ... but for ..."

"The man in the pool?" I said.

"You were so ill. They said it was fever. I knew it was due to all that ... They were afraid you were going to die. I came to see you lying there ... flushed. You looked so vulnerable lying there with your cropped hair and eyes wild and you looked at me and you cried, 'No ... no.' They thought my visits disturbed you and they sent me away. I knew that I should always remind you ... and you couldn't get better while you were reminded. So as soon as I convinced myself that you were beginning to recover I went away."

"Everything would have been different if I hadn't gone to the pool that day. That's life, isn't it? One little incident can spark off a train of events ... changing people's lives for generations. It's an awesome thought."

"I'd like to change the course of my life, Angel."

"Most of us would."

"What I mean is I don't want events to push me this way and that, because I believe I am the master of my own life. I will push aside those things that threaten me ... I will go where I want to. But if only I could live that particular time of my life again ..."

"It's an old complaint, Ben. But when something happens it is there indelibly ... forever."

"It is too late ... all those wasted years too late, but I love you, Angel, and I shall never love anyone else as I love you."

"Please don't say that, Ben."

"Why not? It's the truth. Do you believe me?"

"I am not sure."

"Do you want to believe me?"

I was silent. I was not sure, and I thought: Yes, I do. Because I love you, too.

Neither of us spoke after that for some little time. I listened to the murmur of the light breeze ... ruffling the grass near the creek.

Then at length he said: "Tell me truthfully, Angel. Are you happy?"

"Well ... I think I could be if I were at home. Everything seemed all right there."

"With Gervaise, you mean?"

"Gervaise is one of the kindest people I have ever met."

He nodded. "I know about the debts. He told me himself. He's indebted to my grandfather. I understand that."

"It doesn't seem so bad as it is Uncle Peter. We know he won't suddenly descend on us and demand payment or else face the consequences."

"If he found gold ..."

"We could go home."

"He might want to stay for more."

"As you did."

"It would be different. I vowed I would not return until I had my fortune. I found some wealth and it gave me this ... But it was not what I had set out for. I couldn't settle for less. It would be weakness and to a certain extent failure."

"And you could not be seen to be weak. You have found enough to come home and perhaps start some enterprise. But you vowed to come back immensely rich ... because that was the task you set yourself."

"I do not care to be beaten, Angel."

"So you will stay here until your goal has been reached ... and if you do not hit the target that will be forever."

"There are two things I want, Angel. That fortune, you know of. I want to find it in my mine. I want to have one of those discoveries which men had in the beginning which brought them out here in their hundreds. That is one thing. But what I want more than that is you."

"I wish you would not talk in that way."

"I want to be absolutely frank with you."

"It is impossible, Ben. I am married to Gervaise."

"And you don't love him."

"I do."