The Secret to Success

I met Bob a year before I moved to Southfield Lathrup. We actually went to Henry Ford High School together, but with a student population of more than 2,000 it’s easy not to know all your peers. I met Bob through a mutual friend, Meechie. Meechie and the whole Pierson crew got tired of Braile Street boys spanking that tail in basketball and football every year, so Meechie violated the neighborhood rules and recruited an outsider.

The street rivalries dated back to the late 70’s. Several rival streets got together during the year and played each other in sports. We called it “Street Wars.” Before everyone started the violent movement of shooting and killing each other, we battled on the court and on the field. Our generation was stacked with talent. Lonzo was a year older than I was and together we were a dominant force, so I didn’t trip when Bob came on the scene because he raised the level of competition and he seemed like a cool guy. On the court, we actually hit it off well, and as luck would have it, we were assigned to the same English class the next school year. Towards the end of the school year we were just starting to develop our friendship when I moved to Lathrup. Once I moved to the burbs, our friendship ended and even though only four miles separated us, I didn’t see or talk to Bob until I thought about him that day.

As I look back on my life I can say that the single most life altering move (not desire) I ever made was reconnecting with Bob. My relationship with him confirmed what my parent’s had been trying to get me to understand for years. The people you associate yourself with have the greatest influence on your life. Your relationships will either make you or break you and there is no such thing as a neutral relationship. People either inspire you to greatness or pull you down in the gutter, it’s that simple. No one fails alone, and no one succeeds alone.

When I reconnected with Bob I felt as fortunate as K.G. (Kevin Garnett) when he left Minnesota for Boston. I, too, moved beyond the thought of repositioning myself to actually taking the necessary steps to reposition myself and join a group of men that could help me compete for a championship. Time will not allow me to write about all the ways Bob helped me to climb from the bottom to the top, but I will share six lessons I believe are needed for those of you who are tired of hanging with scrubs and want to be in the winner’s circle.

Lesson 1: Look for people who believe in something and are passionate about their beliefs.

Contrary to popular opinion, money, position, and power are not the true measure of success—character is the foundation for all real success. Before I met Bob I can honestly say that I never really thought about character, but even at a young age, Bob made character look appealing. He was the only popular Christian I knew and he was one of the best rappers in our neighborhood. He was known for making dudes cry in a capping session and the ladies loved him! Most of the Christians I met in school were lame. Every word that came out of their mouths was Jesus, Jesus and Jesus, but Bob had swag. However, swag was not what drew me to Bob, what drew me to him was the fact that Bob never compromised his beliefs. It didn’t matter who we were with, or where we were, Bob stood for something and did not change his beliefs for anyone. I admired that about him because I knew first -hand how easy it was at that age for a young man to let peer pressure break him. I met so many fake people in high school. On Sunday they were in the front row at church, they sang in the choir, and probably taught Sunday school. They were raised in a good Christian home, but as soon as they walked out of the front door, they tried to act like somebody they were not just to be a part of the in crowd. Bob was just the opposite. I can’t explain the feeling but watching someone keeping it “one-hundred percent” was empowering.

Bob made standing up for what you believed in cool and by making it cool he unknowingly empowered me. I no longer felt obligated to down play my personal beliefs in order to make other people happy. Through Bob, I learned to live out loud. I was still a virgin in high school and proud of it. Back then, if someone questioned me about it, I would lie and act like I was some type of player. Deep down inside, the thought of losing my virginity to a stranger just wasn’t appealing. I wasn’t a Christian, so it wasn’t like I was trying to wait until marriage, I just didn’t want to lose my virginity to someone I wasn’t in love with. At the time, I was much more concerned about what others thought about me than I was about standing up for my personal beliefs. Bob was instrumental in helping me overcome that. He helped me understand the importance of character.