The Secret to Success

It’s weird how things work but as soon as I put the thought out there, it was like God heard me and was waiting on me. The challenge with my father happened much sooner than I expected it to. I was in Chicago speaking to a group of students at a church called Shiloh on the South side off 71st and Michigan. A few minutes before I was scheduled to speak, I walked out of the main sanctuary towards the bathroom. As I was exiting the sanctuary and entering the lobby, I noticed a male figure that looked just like my biological father. After finding out that the father I had been raised by was not my biological father, I began asking questions. My aunt Cleo insinuated that Gerald, whom I assumed was a family friend, and used to stop by from time to time when I was younger, was my biological father. I vaguely recalled what he looked like, but this guy standing in the lobby looked like him! I began thinking to myself, “It’s not possible.” For one, how would he know I was in Chicago and more specifically, how would he know where I was speaking? The more I stared at him the more I realized he was my biological father, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it at the time, he looked a lot like me. I froze and my entire disposition changed. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing and I started feeling sick to my stomach. I was so taken off guard by him showing up that I was contemplating not speaking. I was terrified; I didn’t know what to say to him or how to handle the situation. All I wanted to do was run out of the church as fast as I could. I was willing to do anything but face him. So I ran into the bathroom and pretended like I didn’t see him. I stayed in there as long as I could before I knew I was next on the program. I must have washed my hands and face at least 20 times trying to regain my composer. I finally got the nerve to come out and speak and I think I was able to pull it off without anyone knowing that I was dealing with a serious crisis. But as soon as I finished speaking everything went blank and the feelings of anxiety overtook me again. I tried everything in my power to get out of that church and pretend as though I never saw him but it didn’t work. Just as I was leaving the sanctuary, I couldn’t help but look in his direction and as soon as I did we made eye contact. He was standing directly in the middle of the isle way. I tried to stall as long as I could so I spoke to everybody on their way out until finally it was just him and I in the lobby and I had no other choice but to face him. All I remember after that was being so angry I wanted to strangle him. Next thing I knew, I opened my mouth and asked, “Why, why did you abandon me and why didn’t you say anything to me all those years? Why didn’t you tell me you were my father?” I tried so hard not to let the tears roll that they swelled up in my eyes and protruded beyond my eyelids. “Your mother told me not to say anything to you. I wanted to be in your life so bad but out of respect for your mother’s wishes I kept silent.” His response pissed me off even more. Just weeks ago I stood in the delivery room blessed to see the birth of my first born son who I loved more than life itself and I couldn’t imagine letting my wife or anything else for that matter keep me from my baby. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t fight for his right to see me. As a father, it just didn’t make sense, it just didn’t add up. In fear that the tears may start rolling if I blinked, I walked off without saying another word. The conversation, though brief, ripped me apart. As much as I tried to deny it for all those years, I still had a desire to know and have a relationship with my father. It was difficult to admit because over the years I had learned how to suppress my feelings and bury my emotions. However, I knew I had to make a conscious effort to let the healing begin, and I knew there was no way I could move on without being man enough to forgive him. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I made up my mind that day that I was going to open the lines of communication and give him a second chance not only with me, but his grandson as well.

I can’t explain it but once I faced my fears of reconnecting with my father, every other struggle I had to confront was a piece of cake. In fact, when the new school year came around I took it upon myself to take the necessary steps to try and get reinstated. I figured if I could overcome that one challenge, I should be able to get back in school and overcome my academic challenges as well.

CHAPTER

18

If I Could Be Like Mike

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen” - Michael Jordan