The Secret to Success

I knew what I was doing was dangerous. I had heard stories of how his 6 foot 8 inch 250 pound frame had annihilated men twice my size, but I was tired of living in fear. Before I knew it, I was racing toward him in an attempt to get past him and into the garage. But as I made my initial move out of the family room toward the hallway he blocked the pathway and moved in on me. He had an obvious advantage in both reach and size but I thought I could offset it with my quickness. I launched toward him in an attempt to knock him down and give me enough time to run through the hallway toward the door leading to the garage. As I went to push him, he grabbed my arm and before I knew it had me in a headlock gasping for air. I tried to use my lower body strength to force his legs from under his body, but it didn’t work. The next thing I knew he was hitting me with some serious blows to the body. Helpless, the only thing I could think to do was pray. I didn’t go to church and I was definitely not a Christian, but I figured I had nothing to lose by calling on Him. “God if you can hear me—Help! This dude is about to kill me!” Within in a matter of seconds, I was able to push both of his arms toward his body and loosen the cobra-like grip he had me in. I began to pull my head back in an attempt to regain my balance. The only thing I wanted to do was try to create enough separation between us so that I could make it out of the house. Once I was completely free from his grip I pushed him away and ran toward the garage. I made it safely into the washroom and slammed the door shut behind me to give myself a few extra seconds. I ran through the garage and exited the door to the far left. I figured he would go through the front door and try to cut me off but I was too quick; by the time I made it out of the garage, I noticed he and my mother were just getting to the porch. Once I made it to the street I knew I was in the clear because there was no way either one of them could catch me. I stopped running once I made it past the mailbox and into the street. I turned and faced my mother. All I remember thinking was, I waited four years to say this. It was late in the afternoon, and as luck would have it, on this particular Sunday, it seemed like all our neighbors were outside. It felt like a scene out of a movie. All the neighbors stopped what they were doing and all eyes were on our family. Tears began rolling down my face uncontrollably and I exploded, “I hate you, I swear to God I hate you! You watched him put his hands on me and you didn’t do nothin’. You never said nothin’ to him. You should have protected me! I hate you!”

My mother yelled back at me but I was in such a haze I couldn’t hear anything but my rapid heartbeat. “You put him before me, you put him before your own blood,” I shouted. Then he interrupted in an attempt to put his two cents in. “Who you talking to?” he growled.

“Shut up talking to me! You don’t mean nothin’ to me! If I see you in the streets, I’m killin’ you!” The neighbors looked on in astonishment with their mouths wide open. We lived in a diverse community at the time and it was quiet for the most part. Lathrup Village (the suburbs) was the complete opposite of our old neighborhood on the west side of Detroit. In Detroit, it was nothing to hear sirens racing through the hood in the middle of the night, or the sound of bass pounding out of the local drug dealer’s car as they drove up and down the block.

By no means were we the Huxtables. We had our challenges, but I don’t think any of us ever thought it would come to this. Just before I took off running, I stopped everything and stared at my mom thinking, “How could you betray me? How could you put your husband before your own son? How could you keep that secret from me all those years?”

CHAPTER

2

Sweet Little Lies

“I’m sorry mama I never meant to hurt you. I never meant make you cry but tonight, I’m cleaning out my closet.” – Eminem

My body felt numb. In my anger, I said things I never thought I’d say to the one person I loved more than life. I never intended to hurt my mom. I guess I held it in so long that when it finally came out; it came out with no regard for anything or anyone.

Tears ran down my face as I thought, “Not in a million years did I ever think that my mom would lie to me. It hurt my heart watching her stand there on the porch next to him after he just tried to kill me. It was like she was saying, “No matter what, right or wrong, I am going to support my husband and I don’t care how you feel.” Never in my wildest dreams did I think she could do or say anything to hurt me as much as when she kept the secret from me. I was wrong, this hurt just as much.