The Stainless Steel Rat

“You’re not a stupid man, Grav Diebstall,” he said, which means he thought I was a lot stupider than he was. “You’ve been offplanet and seen other worlds. You know how backward and suppressed we are here, or you wouldn’t have joined with us to help throw off the yoke around our planet’s neck. No sacrifice is too great if it will bring closer this day of liberation.” For some reason he was sweating now and had resumed his unpleasant habit of cracking the knuckles. The side of his head—where Angelina had landed the bottle—was covered with plasti-skin and dry of sweat. I hoped it hurt.

“This foreign woman you have been guarding—” the Count said, turning sideways but still watching me from the corners of his eyes. “She had been of some help in organizing things, but is now putting us in an embarrassing position. There has been one attempt on her life and there will probably be others. The Radebrechen are an old and loyal family—her presence is a continued insult to them.” Then he pulled at his drink and delivered the punch line.

“I think that you can do the job she is doing. Just as well, and perhaps better. How would you like that?”

Without a doubt I was just brimming over with talent—or there was a shortage of revolutionaries on this planet. This was the second time within twelve hours that I had been offered a partnership in the new order. One thing I was sure of though—Angelovely’s offer had been sincere. Cassi Duke of Rdenrundt’s proposition had a distinctly bad odor to it. I played along to see what he was leading up to.

“I am honored, noble Count,” I oozed. “But what will happen to the foreign woman? I don’t imagine she will think much of the idea.”

“What she thinks is not important,” he snarled and touched his fingers lightly to the side of his head. He swallowed and got his temper back under control. “We cannot be cruel to her,” he said with one of the most insincere smiles I have ever seen on a human being’s face. “We’ll just hold her in custody. She has some guards who I imagine will be loyal, but my men will take care of them. You will be with her and arrest her at the proper time. Just turn her over to the jailers who will keep her safe. Safe for herself, and out of sight where she can cause no more trouble for us.”

“It’s a good plan,” I agreed with winning insincerity. “I don’t enjoy the thought of putting this poor woman in jail, but if it is necessary to the cause it must be done. The ends justify the means.”

“You’re right. I only wish I was able to state it so clearly. You have a remarkable ability to turn a phrase, Bent. I’m going to write that down so I can remember it. The ends justify…”

He scratched away industriously on a note plate. What a knowledge of history he had—just the man to plan a revolution! I searched my memory for a few more old saws to supply him with, until my brain was flooded with a sudden anger. I jumped to my feet.

“If we are going to do this we should not waste any time, Count Rdenrundt,” I said. “I suggest 1800 hours tonight for the action. That will give you enough time to arrange for the capture of her guards. I will be in her rooms and will arrest her as soon as I have a message from you that the first move has succeeded.”

“You’re correct. A man of action as always, Bent. It will be as you say.” We shook hands then and it took all the will power I possessed to stop from crushing to a pulp his limp, moist, serpentine paw. I went straight to Angelina.

“Can we be overheard here?” I asked her.

“No, the room is completely shielded.”

“Your former boy-friend. Count Cassi,has a snooper-detector. He may have other equipment for listening to what goes on here.”

This thought didn’t bother Angelic in the slightest. She sat by the mirror, brushing her hair. The scene was lovely but distracting. There were strong winds blowing through the revolution that threatened to knock everything down.

“I know about the detector,” she said calmly, brushing. “I arranged for him to get it—without his knowledge of course—and made sure it was useless on the best frequencies. I keep a close watch on his affairs that way.”

“Were you listening in a few minutes ago when he was making arrangements with me to kill your guards and throw you into the dungeons downstairs?”

“No, I wasn’t listening,” she said with that amazing self-possession and calm that marked all her actions. She smiled in the mirror at me. “I was busy just remembering last night.”

Women! They insist on mixing everything up together. Perhaps they operate better that way, but it is very hard on those of us who find that keeping emotion and logic separate produces sounder thinking. I had to make her understand the seriousness of this situation.

“Well, if that little bit of news doesn’t interest you,” I said as calmly as I could, “perhaps this does. The rough Radebrechens didn’t send that killer last night—the Count did.”