The Stainless Steel Rat for President

I had to take it as proven that by this time our escape car, well stuffed with sleeping uglies, had been found. Which meant that my description was now being broadcast in great detail. Happily, at least half of the male population of this part of the city were dressed as I was. And they would still be looking for the man with the black beard. All of these factors would slow things down-but not stop them. I paid, overtipping lavishly, and was ushered by servile waiters back to the reality of harsh existence.

And I really had been thinking ahead. This entire world went to sleep in the midday heat, after gorging themselves comatose on food and drink. They did not wake again until the sun was low. Which meant that the shops would still be open and I could get the items that I would need.

One item at a time. A new hat here, a jacket there, a shirt in a different store. When I had what I needed I stopped for a cool drink as a reward for my labors. Does it come as a surprise that after a visit to the washroom of the establishment a different individual emerged? It does not. The old garments vanished in a dark alley and the only task remaining was to make my way to safety.

Yes, that was all. Alone in the dark and alien city, the euphoria of the day worn off, fatigue settling in, my face badly in need of shaving, my morale at a new low, I sought escape in a dimly lit bar. All men's hands were turned against me.

"You look lonely, handsome stranger." But not all women's! She was sultry and brash, her charms abundantly obvious in the low-cut dress. Solace and a hiding place for the night?

I shook my head no and she cruised away. Not only would Angelina skin me and rub salt into my flayed flesh if she had even a wisp of suspicion of a liaison of this kind but-more realistically-these girls were watched by the police and their pimps were all informers. I had to come up with a far better plan.

While I was trying to think of one it was handed to me on a silver platter. The two men who stood beside me at the bar were talking together, loud enough to be overheard. "... never showed up, did he?" "No. I guess something else came up." "Lets us down, doesn't it? Poker is no good with a player short. " I turned slowly, smiled broadly-and hesitantly tapped the nearest man on the arm.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing. I'm a stranger in to~n. All alone. And I do love a game of cards with friends. I don't play very well but, gee, like they say, it's just a friendly game." The man turned slowly towards me, and if his grin was very much like that of a crocodile who was I to care. "Why that's great. We're just passing through town ourselves. Just like you, we enjoy a friendly game, a little fun. Why don't you join us?" This pair were so obviously sharpers that they should have worn placards around their necks. And they wanted to con a con man! It's not every day that you can get blessed like this. And the last thing they wanted was interference from the police. I was led, a lamb for the slaughter, from the bar to a cab and then to their hotel room, where a sultry and most attractive woman admitted us. The evening promised to be a highly entertaining one!

"Sit down. have a drink " one nf mv hnih; iniA thf umallpr of the two. "I'm Adolfo, and this big guy is Santos, and my girl friend here is Renata, and I didn't catch your name?" "Jaime." "That's great, Jaime. How about a glass of ron before we start." "Never said no yet." I was beaming with pleasure, enjoying every minute of this. Renata mixed and served the drinks while Adolfo cracked out some decks of cards and the chips. Santos was big and burly and looked slow but I knew he was not. He was the heavy who took care of any trouble. Adolfo hummed to himself as he opened the first deck of cards and shuffled them, said oops and smiled when he fumbled and the cards splattered onto the table. Ha! I imagine he could shuffle and palm almost as well as I could.

"Cut for deal?" he asked, and we did. My king was highest and I took the pack. "Dealer's choice OK?" To which they nodded enthusiastically. "Three card draw then, for starters." I shuffled, Santos cut, and the fun began.

The play went smoothly and Renata kept our glasses filled. When she wasn't performing this important function she sat by the window, with the radio turned low, listening to music. While I was delicately led down the garden path. Nothing obvious at first. The play ran fairly except for the fact that when he shuffled Adolfo worked some large cards to the bottom and saw to it that I was dealt these from time to time. This gave me a mild winning streak, I chortled as I raked in the chips.

"Sorry to take your money boys." "That's how the cards fall," Adolfo said magnanimously. He dealt and the cards flicked into place.