The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted

"Like you, that idea I considered and rejected. That would just get me back in jail and shot."

"Mav I mairp a <:iifflTf" laid

"All aid greatly desired."

"I will take you to the city. You will go as my father. We have a wonderful theatre group here in Ling and our makeup department is quite famous. You could be an old man, I could be your daughter and driver. It would be so exciting."

"You're wonderful!" I jumped to my feet and, in a fit of mad enthusiasm seized her and kissed her. Then I sat down quickly again as the hormones started humming and driving all other thoughts from mind. She was an incredibly bright, lovely, intelligent, beautiful girl and I was just going to have to forget all Shout that. For the time being. "We better get started."

"My brother will take you to the theatre. I will phone them and arrange what must be done. Then I will make the transportation arrangements. You do not mind if I say .that I find this fascinating and exciting as well. I must thank you for letting me help. It is so much more fun than school."

"The thanks are mine. What do you study in school?"

"Vulcanology. I just love the magma and the scoria, then when you go down thefumerole…"

"Yes. You must tell me of those burning pleasures. Later. "

"Of course—there is my brother now."

I think that it was a special train that they laid on. Just two cars and no other passengers. Morton looked guilty—but glad as well that he wasn't going back to Bellegarrique. I waved him a stiff goodbye with my cane and climbed shakily aboard. I was ancient and crochety and needed practice. Gray beard, rheumy red eyes, wrinkled like an old boot, they had really done a great job at the theatre. A harness under my clothes had me bent over so far that I was staring down at my wrinkled and liverspotted hands.

The track was straight, the train was fast and there were no stops until we reached our destination. A black vehicle was waiting on the platform when we arrived. The driver got out and held the door open for us.

"You've driven one of these?" he asked.

Neebe nodded. "A two hundred volt Lasher-gnasher. Great fun to drive."

"Indeed they are. I've got her rewed up to thirty-three thousand. More than enough energy for the trip." He pointed to the circular housing between the rear wheels. "The flywheel is in here, electric generator on its shaft. Motor on the front wheels. Clean and nonpolluting."

"And very hard to turn over with that gyroscope down there," I said.

"You've got it. Good luck."

Neebe spun the wheels and I was pushed back into the seat by a large number of G's. We hurtled along the empty road.

"I'll slow down before we reach the roadblock. Isn't this fan! I wonder what the top speed is?"

"Don't… find out!" I croaked as the landscape hurtled by in a blur. "Though I am an old man and have led a full life I don't want to terminate it quite yet!"

She laughed her gorgeous bell-like laugh and slowed to something close to the speed of sound. She obviously knew the road well, all those bicycle outings of course, for suddenly she hit the brakes, slowed to a crawl, then turned the corner just before the barrier across the road.

"What you doing blocking the road like that, you varmints?" I croaked testily out of the window, then shook my cane at the fat captain who was leaning against it picking his teeth. Remnants of hotpup, I hoped.

"Knock off the cagal, Grandpop. Where do you think you're going?"

"Are you as stupid as you look, stupid? Or haven't you heard your supreme commander's orders? City workers to return at once. I am an electrical engineer and if you want light in your latrines and refrigeration for your beer you will open that thing instantly or sooner."

"Don't get your cagal in an uproar, Grandpop," he sneered. But he stepped back and signaled two sergeants to open the barrier. Not a private in sight, I noticed. I hoped the officers enjoyed doing their own work for a change. I shook the cane one last shake as we drove oast.

then on down the road and around a bend and out of sight. Neebe pulled up at the first phonebox and I leaped arthritically down, "Are you i.n the city?" Stirner asked. "Just arrived."

"Very good. Then we will meet at the entrance."

"Entrance? What, where?"

"Mark Forer Square, of course. Where else would it be?"