Tiny Tim

“Well, you know, as a proper employee in this firm, you’ll need the proper appearance to go with. What if you run into a client? Or go out on a job with the others? You’d either have to go shopping, or seriously step up that savants look you’re rocking right now.”

“Makes sense. Problem is, I kinda lack ... what’s it called... ‘fashion sense’. How would...”

“Oh, I can help with that!” she interrupted me with her eyes sparkling. Apparently, that was just what she wanted to hear. “No Sparring today. Let’s go shopping!”

She grabbed my arm and basically dragged me out of the building. For some reason, everyone we walked past gave me a slightly unsettling smile. Tess took me to what she called a ‘haberdasher’. As it turned out, I needed everything! After spending roughly twelve hours each week in the gym for nine full months, while simultaneously radically reducing my junk food intake, I had successfully shed forty pounds of fat off my body, and started to fill out quite nicely with muscles instead. At 5’10’’, and 196 pounds, I wasn’t exactly small anymore either. I wasn’t a big fan of starvation, so my torso would never get even close to that desirable V-shape, though I did get broad shoulders and was even slowly developing abs. Painstakingly slowly, that is.

I didn’t have anyone to impress, though, so I had stopped caring about my appearance quite a while ago. As long as my clothes covered what needed to be covered, I was contented with them. So, I only got new stuff when the old stuff fell apart. I decided then and there to simply let Tess take the reins and do as I was told.

I got a bunch of T-shirts, button-up shirts, a black m-65 jacket, cargo pants, dress pants, two of those belts without holes, socks without holes, underwear without holes, shoes that didn’t talk, and Tess made me model everything for her. Even the underwear, for some reason. Then came the grooming products and toiletries. Hair Gel, specific deodorants and aftershaves, she even insisted on a pricey cologne that I could only describe as a musky cedarwood smell.

In the end, I even had to get a suit. I let Tess choose a plain black, slim fit three piece, with a collection of gray ties, and then we had them adjust it for me. It almost looked like it was tailored for me. Although Bill would later laugh me out of the conference room the first time he saw it, telling me to lose the vest and tie unless I wanted to start a career as a banker and get strangled.

When the clerk asked me the famous “Left or Right” question, I had absolutely no idea what he was asking, and the confusion showed on my face. When Tess answered him by shouting “LEFT!” through the curtain, the confusion was showing on the clerk’s face, and he fixed me with a calculating look before the exact same small smirk spread across his face I had seen on the guys in the firm. He finally explained the meaning to me, and I, for the life of me, couldn’t figure out how the hell Tess knew where I let my balls hang when I didn’t even know myself.

By the time we were done, my bank account was another $2,800 lighter. I was glad this wasn’t something I had to do every month. Luckily, I could afford it all.

I basically had no friends left to go out with, abandoned all hobbies that could require money, and I also never had a girlfriend I could spend on. Basically, I spent my entire time either in school or working, so I really didn’t have time for anything else even if I had friends to go out with. I worked roughly twenty-six hours a week on the firm’s projects alone. At thirty-five dollars an hour, that makes roughly $3,600 a month. Tess had helped me figure out my taxes in January, and I now knew that I netted about $2,800 a month after taxes. My only expenses were the three-hundred dollars per month I paid Aaron in rent, another two-hundred dollars per month I spent for food, and $480 per month I was going to pay in car insurance from then on (which I got cheap thanks to the safety course from Bill!).