War Torn

Angus McCall was eating by himself while Mal and the others were on the other side of the cookhouse. He was watching the TV intently. Although he must have been aware that someone was sitting down next to him, he didn’t look up.‘Anything you want to talk about, Angry?’ From the way McCall hunched his oversized body, Dave knew that the lad had seen him enter the cookhouse and was bracing himself for what came next.‘Nah . . .’They both watched the screen. Impossibly beautiful women in gauzy dresses followed a man through London’s meaner streets solely because of the way his underarms smelled.Dave glanced across the room at Mal, self-proclaimed babe magnet. Mal wasn’t watching the TV. He was locked in discussion with Finn. Jamie was laughing at them. Dave could tell from the way that Mal and Finn were squaring their shoulders and puffing out their chests that the talk was about women in general. Or maybe the elusive sex grenade in particular.‘You’re not sitting with your mates tonight. Have they been taking the piss?’Angus said nothing. He watched the women in their gauzy dresses.‘You had a bit of trouble out there today . . .’Angus still didn’t respond. His cheeks looked like they were weighing down his face.‘It’s strange, arriving in theatre. One minute you’re at home buying a few beers in Tesco and the next minute you’re in ’Stan being asked to kill a man.’Angus nodded and continued to stare at the screen.‘I can’t make you slot someone. If your conscience says you shouldn’t, then don’t,’ Dave said. ‘And I’ll try to respect you for it.’Angus shook his head. ‘It’s just because I thought he was dead and he started moving. It’s just because I wasn’t expecting it.’‘You have the right to say: No, Sarge, let’s try to save his life.’‘That would be fucking daft.’ Angus looked at Dave for the first time. ‘We’d only just shot him.’‘I agree with you there, Angry. But the fact is, we were operating at the edge of the RoE and some people would say we should have carried him to a medic there and then.’‘Fucking daft.’ Angus turned back to the TV. ‘What’s the point in firing at someone if you make them better afterwards? Makes it all a stupid fucking game.’‘If he’s wounded, some people would say we should have brought him back for treatment . . .’‘That’s shit.’Dave watched the TV. A game show. A contestant was being offered the chance of winning fabulous amounts of money if he chose the right coloured box. The man’s face ballooned as he tried to make a decision. The audience shouted advice. They shouted louder and louder. Red! Blue! Green!‘And then there was the bloke up the tree.’‘I was going to do it!’ Angus looked distressed now. ‘I was just going to do it and you changed your mind and told Finn instead!’Dave smiled. ‘Pissed you off, did I?’‘Fucking right you did! I was going to do it!’‘That’s another one where the RoE get a bit murky,’ said Dave. ‘Because in my heart of hearts I knew he was jammed there and so was his weapon and he wasn’t in much of a position to fire on anyone. And I was just beginning to think that maybe we’d take him in for questioning. But I didn’t think it fast enough and Finn fired.’‘I was going to slot him . . .’‘You need to get a grip on yourself, Angry. You could find yourself in a situation where it’s kill or be killed. And hesitation won’t help you then.’‘I was just slow today!’ Angus protested. ‘That’s all.’‘You’ve never killed a man, have you?’Angus shook his head unhappily. ‘There wasn’t a lot of action in Iraq when I got there.’‘Nothing to be ashamed of. I know men who’ve been through their entire careers without firing their weapon except in training. A lot were never operational.’‘My dad was operational.’‘Oh, yeah, Falklands wasn’t it?’ Dave said, as though he didn’t know already. As though he hadn’t heard a thousand times. Finny had sometimes threatened to slot Angus if he talked about his dad one more time and even Angry’s best mate Mal seemed to have some sympathy for that idea. But Dave knew that Angus measured everyone against McCall Senior.‘My dad had to kill Argentinians. He said he didn’t feel anything at the time. But later it can get to you.’‘Yeah, it can get to you later. If you let it. But if you remember that we’re professional soldiers and we’re doing a job here and our job is to deal with the choggies before they can deal with us, that makes it easier. We’re just doing our job.’They watched as the man on the screen chose the red box. They waited to see if he’d become a millionaire. After a long pause it was revealed that he hadn’t. The green box had been the right one. The man started to cry. His wife, who had been shouting at him to open the green box, came on stage and started to cry too. The game show host started to cry.‘I’m OK with killing.’ Angus looked at Dave again. ‘Next time I’ll do it.’‘OK.’ Dave nodded. ‘You’ll get a lot of chances to prove yourself.’‘I will,’ Angus said. ‘I’ll prove myself, Sarge.’In his heart, Dave wasn’t convinced. The RoE were grey and confusing but something else was holding Angry back. Dave had thought about keeping him on camp duties for a few days. He decided to let him stay with the others for now.Dave looked across the room. Finn was talking to a group of contractors. Dave saw with dismay that they were getting out their wallets. They were young oil engineers with large salaries, which made them prime targets for Finn. Dave strode over to issue Finny with a stern warning, but he was too late. The group were already putting away their wallets and dispersing.