We'll meet again

"I can say with honesty that I did not. But it was only when I understood what she was ready to do to the child that I understood what I had done.”

"It is over now," I said, "and there is nothing you can do about it.”

"Only regret. I have made reparations as far as I can. The estate will go to the boy. It must. It is his by right. As for Gordon, he should have been the one. It is sad that he was born on the wrong side of the blanket. Dermot was no good. He was weak and pleasure seeking... oh, a charming young man. Rather like his father and grandfather.

But Tregarland's needed a strong steady hand to keep it on course.

Gordon had that. It was one of those tricks of fate. The bastard is the one the place needed and the rightful heir is useless.

Why couldn't it have been the other way round? Perversity of life, I suppose. Poor Gordon has suffered; but I will tell you this, wise Violetta. I have made what reparations I can. I have acknowledged Gordon as my son in this will of mine, and I am leaving him capital so that he can start up his own place, but I shall express the hope that Gordon will stay until Tristan is of an age to manage.”

'Then it will be too late for him to start on his “

“When Tristan is twenty, he will be close to fifty. Not too old for a man of his energies... if he keeps his health. However, it is what I shall do.”

"Do others know of this? Does Gordon?”

"He will know when the will is read.”

"Why do you tell me?”

He was thoughtful for a moment, then he said: "I think you have an interest in people ... very like my own, but yours is benign where mine was mischievous. You would never have done what I did. You are too good-hearted-and, shall I say, too wise to meddle? You see, I am now brought to this stage of repentance because of what I did, and that was foolish of me, for I am now mourning as I approach death and asking the Almighty not to punish me as I deserve. How much cleverer I should have been if, at this stage to which we all must come, I could have had a balance sheet with the good deeds outweighing the evil? And you are here-part of the scene. Perhaps you will continue with the saga after I have gone.”

"How?”

"You have become part of Tregarland's. Your sister is the mother of the heir. Violetta, that young man of yours... you are still waiting?”

"I am still waiting.”

"And hoping? It is a long time.”

"It is nearly two years since Dunkirk.”

"This war will be over one day, and when it is and he has not come back you will spend your life in mourning for someone who is lost to you forever.”

"I cannot see so far ahead.”

"Forgive me. I am making you sad. It is the last thing I want to do.

You are a serious young lady. I knew that from the first. It would have been different if Dermot had married you.”

"It would have been different whomever he had married.”

"The wayward delectable Dorabella was not the one for him, but she is the mother of my grandson. I should like to say a word for Gordon. He is a good man; he would make a faithful husband. If the Jermyn boy does not come back... and in time you must cease to hope... Gordon will be waiting, I am sure.”

I could find no words. I could only think of a bleak future without Jowan.

"I should like to think of you here at Tregarland's," went on the old man. "Gordon is calm… level-headed... a little like you, my dear. It would be pleasant for me, looking down from heaven, or more likely from the fires of hell, to see you at Tregarland's with Gordon, and my grandson growing up under Gordon's guidance to love the place.

Here I am again, arranging people's lives for them.

But, of course, they must arrange them themselves.”

We were silent for a while before he continued: "I often think of how your mother wanted to take Tristan back with her and how she procured the good Nanny Crabtree to look after him. And thank God she did.

There is another sensible woman. Do you remember how I refused to let the boy go?”

"Yes, I remember.”

"If I had not done that, he would have escaped danger. It is yet another sin to be laid at my door. When I am gone, you must take him to your mother. My dear girl, you will be happier away from this place. Memories of Jowan come back all the time. You will never escape from your grief here. You need to get away... you, your sister, and the child. I should have let you go before.”

He was tired, I could see, and I told him he must rest a while and I would come and see him again. Our talk had been very interesting, I added.

"Not very productive," he said. "But what is there to produce?

Confession is a sort of self-indulgence. It is good for the soul, they say. One talks and the listener, because he or she has been specially selected by the confessor, makes the necessary comforting excuses, which you have done admirably, my dear. Thank you. Do you believe in premonitions?”

This abrupt change of subject disconcerted me a little.

"I am not sure," I said.