Yes, all right, fine. But you were obsessed with the possibility that the Mirror might be real; who insisted we prowl London for that damned key. You wouldn’t leave until we figured out which island and tracked down the panops, the Sign of Sure, and that Mirror. (Only Dad says another, very bad word along with that Mirror, so Lizzie knows they’ve totally forgotten she’s there.) Dad aims a finger at Mom. You didn’t mind using the Mirror when you needed it. But I suppose that’s okay, right? Because you’re just so good at knowing when to stop. You’ve got so much self-control. Dad’s laugh is crackly as a crow’s. Take a look at your arms, Meredith, and then tell me you know how and when to stop.
That’s not fair. That was different. I was different then. I was … Mom’s mouth quivers, and her eyes have that confused look again, as if she’s been telling a fib and lost the thread of the lie. I was—her mouth twists as she works to knot words together—we were … that is, I had to … I was trying to …
What, Meredith? What did you have to do? What are you remembering? Now Dad looks a little excited, like he wants to grab Mom’s arms again but doesn’t dare because he might break some spell. Tell me, Meredith; tell me fast. Don’t hold back.
Hold back? I … Mom hugs her middle the way Lizzie does when she has a tummy-ache. I don’t understand. Why are you badgering me like this? I don’t know what you want me to say.
What’s there, Sweetheart; say what’s right on the tip of your tongue.
There’s nothing! Mom is gasping now, her voice all tight and little-girl shrill. Nothing, Frank, nothing’s there, there’s nothing to say! You’re confusing me. I’m not that woman anymore.
Oh God. Dad lets out a laugh that is only air, no real sound to it at all, the way a dog laughs. God, don’t I know.
Then, if you love me, Frank, you’ll stop this! Just … just stop, stop!
All right, all right. Dad’s hands are up, patting the air as if Mom has turned into some scared little animal backed into a corner and, he’s afraid, might bite. Okay. Calm down. I just thought—
What? The word comes out broken. What did you think? This isn’t about me! This isn’t my fault!
No, Sweetheart, of course it isn’t. I’m sorry. I just … Dad forks hair from his eyes with one hand. I don’t understand. So close … but there’s some spark, an essence I can’t quite wrap my hands around and put where it belongs … Shaking his head, he bites down on the rest and sighs. His shoulders slump like he’s suddenly so tired he can barely stand. I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re not the woman you were then. We were talking about me.
That’s right. And then Mom says it again, as if repeating the words makes them that much truer. She is calm now, as perfect and beautiful as a Lovely, one of the little people Mom creates whenever she flameworks a world. To everyone else, the worlds are only metal and swirly colors and tiny people and animals and flowers and other, stranger creatures captured in glass. The really dangerous ones, the Peculiars that live in her dad’s loft—nobody outside the family ever sees those. Even Mom has to wear her special purple panops to make doubly sure she catches enough thought-magic. We’re talking about you and the Mirror.
Yes. That’s right.
