Will You Love Me in September

"Clarissa ... oh, Clarissa," she murmured. "It was dreadful ... dreadful ...

He's dead. I didn't do it. I swear I didn't do it. It ... it happened.”

"Sabrina, my dearest, try to be calm. Tell me what happened.”

"It was ... that man ...”

"You mean ... Sir Ralph ...”

She nodded. "It was terrible, Clarissa. I fought him, and I was getting exhausted.

I couldn't hold him off ... he seemed so strong. I kicked ... I screamed. ... I fought with all my might, and then ... Oh, Clarissa, I didn't do it. It wasn't my fault.

It ... it just happened ...”

I went to the cupboard where Lance kept his brandy. I poured out a little and gave it to her. Her teeth were chattering so that she could not drink and her hands were shaking so that she could not hold the goblet.

"Now tell me, Sabrina. Tell me right from the beginning.”

She sat staring ahead as though she were still living in the nightmare. "When I got into the carriage," she said, "Reggie was not there.”

"I saw you go and I thought it was strange that he had not gotten out to help you into the carriage.”

"I didn't think much of it until I arrived at the house. A housekeeper was there, but there was no sign of Reggie. She said that Sir Ralph was waiting for me, and she took me up to a room. She knocked at the door. There was no answer. Then she opened the door and I went in. It was a bedroom. There was a four-poster bed ...

I thought the housekeeper had made a mistake and I was about to say so when the door shut behind me and I was suddenly seized. It was that man ... oh, Clarissa, how can I tell you? I was so frightened. He was so strong ... and he was holding me.”

"My dear child, this is terrible. I should never have let you go alone. I thought Reggie was taking you.”

"So did I. But that man had planned it. He was waiting for me. It was awful. He said he had always wanted me. He said it would be in the family, and there should be love between father and daughter. ... I tried to get away. I went to the window. I think I would have jumped out if I could. But he was there behind me. He had taken off the robe he was wearing. He was naked, Clarissa. It was ... horrible. He pulled me down on the bed. He tore my bodice and my skirt ...”

Again she turned to me, and hid her face against me as though to shut out that terrible scene.

"He said I was a vixen ... but he liked vixens. He said there was more excitement when the girl was unwilling. He said horrible things ... and he was leering at me all the time, licking his lips ... his horrible flabby blue lips. I fought hard, Clarissa, but he was stronger than I was, and I was afraid that he was going to win.”

She shuddered and shut her eyes tightly. "He was cursing me ... and laughing at me ... and tearing at my clothes and then suddenly I felt his grip loosen. I had my hand over his mouth; shutting off those horrible lips ... I could not bear the sight of them. And then ... he wasn't holding me anymore. His face had gone blue and he was breathing in a noisy way. I was able to push him away from me ... and he rolled off the bed and lay very still on the floor.

His breathing had stopped and his eyes were wide open ... staring. For a moment I couldn't understand what had happened. Then I knew ... He was dead.”

"You came back home. That was all there was to do.”

"But him ... Clarissa. I left him there. I found this cloak. Perhaps it is his.

I had to have something to cover myself with. I took it without thinking. I ran out of the house. I saw a chairman going by and he brought me here. I had just enough money to pay him, which was still in my girdle reticule. Oh, Clarissa, what will happen?”

"Nothing. You have done nothing wrong. It was his own fault. You are not responsible for his death. But are you sure he is dead? He might have fallen into a faint-or something like that.”

"He was not breathing. I was sure of it. Clarissa, I was so frightened. I just ran....”

I soothed her. "Let me get you out of these things. I'll take you to your bed. I'll get something for you to drink, something that will soothe you. Nanny Curlew will know what is best.”

She clung to me. "I could only think of you," she said. "How to get to you-how to be safe.”

I was deeply moved. It was as though she were part of myself. I wanted it to be like that always, throughout our lives. I believed that only death could come between us.

I spent a sleepless night. I lay with Sabrina until Nanny Curlew's potion had had its effect and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

When Lance came in late he was flushed with success because he had had a winning night. I was still sitting up. It was no use going to bed, for I knew I should not sleep. I kept wondering what the outcome of this would be. If Sir Ralph was indeed dead there would be an enquiry, and Sabrina's name would be mentioned as the woman who was with him when he died. There might well be malicious gossip. There were always those ready to damn reputations.

This was where Sabrina's pity had led her.